The Ruthena Book Awards of 2011

For the past two years, I've been trying to keep a general list of the books I've read (or mostly read - let's be honest, grad student people) and the movies I watched. I completely failed on the movies-side in 2011, since I just watched so many in November and December that I forgot to write down (or perhaps was ashamed to write down...). But I was more faithful about books. So here are some stats (and awards, because I love awards) for you:

I read about 60 books in 2011.

7 of those were the Harry Potter series. Oh, and I read The Tales of Beedle the Bard. :)

THE SERIES CATEGORY: Other series or sets of books I read for the first time include the Percy Jackson books (loved them!), about five books by Patrick F. McManus (so funny!), the first Erin Hunter series (which I started when I was about 13; yikes, that was ten years ago), and the five biographical novels by James Herriot (a delightful series which I highly recommend to anyone).

And the award for Best Series goes to...

Seriously, have you read them? (For those of you who never will - and I used to be one of you - I highly recommend Percy Jackson and James Herriot)

THE POPULAR CATEGORY: Popular books I read were Mockingjay, Eat Pray Love (and the sequel - Committed), He's Just Not That Into You, The Help, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, and We Bought a Zoo.
And Ruth's Rave Review goes to...

This book also wins my favorite book/movie combination of the year award. I miss being a Southern girl!

THE SNOB CATEGORY: Books which I am proud to say that I have now officially read include Sense and Sensibility (I know! How is it possible that I hadn't read it before?), The Book Thief (finally - I got it for my birthday last year, you know), Frankenstein (I read it AND wrote a paper on it, so there), The Outsiders, and The Catcher in the Rye (no worries of saying "when he catches the rye" now when someone asks me my favorite part).

And the MUST-READ book award goes to...

I don't even know what you've heard about this book, but it's all true.

THE TRIED AND TRUE CATEGORY: These are the books I read out of devotion to the previous efforts of the authors. Pure Drivel (Steve Martin), The Rogue Crew (Brian Jacques), What Dreams May Come (Richard Matheson), The Genius Files (Dan Gutman), A Tale of Two Castles (Gail Carson Levine), Everfound (Neal Shusterman).

And the You've Done it Again award goes to...

It's not every author whose final book you can become enthralled in even though you started the trilogy a year ago.

Honorable mentions to Pure Drivel and The Rogue Crew (I love you, Brian Jacques!). And for those of you who care, the biggest disappointment goes to A Tale of Two Castles, which went from dull to duller to dullest.


THE NONFICTION CATEGORY: I did a bad job keeping track of the nonfiction I read, but among them were Act like a Lady, Think like a Man, Plato and a Platypus walk into a Bar, The Ridiculous Race, and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I didn't care enough about any of these books to merit giving them an award, but the Plato and a Platypus book is pretty clever. And hilarious.


THE EH WHATEVER CATEGORY: These are the books I read with low expectations. Howl’s Moving Castle, Wickham's Diary, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.

And the EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS award goes to...

I want to ramp this book up to the MUST READ category for every female.

Books I read with high expectations: The Maze Runner, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

And the award for the book most undeserving in my opinion of these high expectations goes to...

I was interested in the beginning, exhausted by the middle, and just relieved to be finished by the end.

And finally, the only (unless I read another one and forgot to record it) book I re-read during the year: As the Ward Turns by Joni Hilton. If you're LDS and haven't read these books, you are missing out on some hilarious inside jokes. Matthew tells me they're even funnier if you listen to them on tape. I'll have to try that on our next road trip. Any good book recommendations for 2012? I'd love to hear them!

Next Week

I hate it when holidays have to end. But I have to admit that the coming of the new semester won't be all bad this time. For one, I get to teach a course I've only taught once (BACK IN 2008!) and with a teacher that I've taken twice and really liked (but never TA-ed for before). This makes me excited. For two, I'll be taking a volleyball class this semester. It will be my third one at BYU. I really like volleyball and I need to exercise in the winter or I get depressed pretty quick. For three, I JUST MIGHT have been struck with a pretty rocking idea for my THESIS while I was in the shower two days ago (I don't know what the connection is between inspiration and the shower for me, but this is not the first, second, or even third time that I've been blessed with a spur-of-the-moment, lightbulb-esque writing idea while washing my hair). For four, my husband only has to go to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, meaning we will get to spend a lot more time together on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. And finally, just for a round and even five, The Hobbit and Brandon Mull's new book come out in 2012. Could there be any better reason to look forward to the quick passing of time? I think not.

Christmas Vignettes

Borrowing this idea/title from my sister-in-law Kirsti's blog. No copyright infringement intended.

#1. I'm pretty sure this year marks the fewest number of Christmas movies I've ever watched in any year. On Christmas Eve Matthew and I watched "Wait until Dark," and I loved watching him start in surprise at "the jump." (Y'all who have seen it know what I'm talking about.) Things got a little back to normal when we watched "A Child's Christmas in Wales" later on that day with my family. As a special treat on Christmas Day, Matthew and I finished the last episode of "Wives and Daughters." If there are any refined female readers who don't know what this is, I implore them to make haste in repairing this error as soon as possible (translation: See this movie).

#2. I woke up on Christmas morning full of excitement, not because of the day, but because I had just an AWESOME dream about aiding Christian Bale to save the world from an alien attack in an urban city. I'm not sure where this came from, by the way. I've been reading a lot of Neal Shusterman, but still.

#3. We went to Matthew's parents' house for Christmas breakfast (25th) and arrived about an hour too early. The feast was plentiful and delicious, but a tad rushed. In contrast, on the 26th we went about an hour too late for breakfast at my parents' house, and ended up eating another delicious meal too quickly so that we could join the others.

#4. The stake president's address in our Christmas sacrament meeting received quite a lot of attention from the younger kids in the audience; as he enthusiastically said for some reason, "We all want to be on the BYU football team," a child piped up, "I don't!" Then, when he explained how a certain brother had to work for his basketball skill by shooting 500 baskets every weekend, a disbelieving voice yelled incredulously, "500 baskets!!?" I was less merrily inclined when he finished his testimony by announcing that we would be changing the closing hymn, which I as the organist had picked out and prepared three weeks in advance. Still, whatcha gonna do? None of the kids hollered displeasure, so I would have been all alone in my opposition.

#5. Both my family and Matthew's family are obsessed with the Sissel Christmas CD with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I've definitely heard it playing at least 10 times more often than any other piece of music at their houses. Still, we like it too, and I expect Sissel worship will soon become a regular part of Christmas.

#6. I was mystified by a package to SOEIE from Aimee under the tree. Turns out it was for Katie's dog Zoey.

#7. Due to pure unforgivable laziness, Matthew and I were most uncreative in our labeling of gifts this year. I was actually jealous, if you can imagine, of a present from Matthew's dad to his mom that was affectionately labeled "To Bzz. From Grr." The cuteness! What is wrong with me!?!?

#8. I am not a big fan of board games, but I had fun playing computer Jeopardy!, a quirky game called Wits and Wagers, and Phase 10 with Sarah, Hannah, Daniel, and Matt on Christmas. Especially when Daniel ruined one of Hannah's moves in Phase 10 and Hannah exclaimed, "You Philistine!" Ha ha ha.

Christmas Gift Awards 2011

And our winners are....

For Largest, it's a tie between food storage (two boxes of peaches and one box of chili) and emergency backpacks, both given to us by Mom/Dad Covington.

Smallest goes to Matthew's aunt, who gave me earrings. They will probably have to be re-gifted, as I have no plans in the next infinity to get my ears pierced.

For Most Creative, Daniel wins for his clever riddle/treasure hunt puzzle leading to a coupon (complete with drawings of movie characters) promising to take us to go see The Adventures of Tintin!

For Most Practical/Useful, we have a tie between my parents (Walmart gift certificate) and Matt's parents (several months - eh, maybe years - supply of toilet paper)! Honorable mention to Matt's parents for his new bike helmet.

The Most Romantic award goes to Mom/Dad Covington for an envelope containing "Date Money" and gift certificates to Applebees and IHOP. Time to live high.

Most Bizarre to Andy for giving Matthew a machete, without any explanation other than a questionable laugh. Turns out Matthew already had a machete, but his new one is sharper! Meanwhile, I am relieved for the time being that we have no children.

Most Thoughtful to Mom/Dad Covington for a Ped Egg, something which I really liked and wanted but forgot entirely to put on the wish list.

CUTEST goes to Kirsti and Joseph for the frozen popsicles and popsicle recipes book; we are so excited to make some of these! Squeal!

Prettiest to Matthew's sister Becky for the beautiful hand-made apron that is way too nice to ever wear when cooking or cleaning anything.

Most Labor-intensive goes to Mom Covington, for her fantastic handknit slippers!

The Most-Received Gift is board games, with a record-breaking six! (Scrabble from M/D Covington, Clue and Battleship from Crissy, Phase 10 from Daniel, Rack-O from Andy, and Word on the Street from Hannah). Honorable mention to pens from various people; we ended up with five of them, I think.

And finally, Ruth's Favorite goes to Matthew, for his . . . well, never you mind what.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas won't be Christmas without...

The following is a post I wrote some years ago for an American folklore class. Some truths, alas, no longer apply, but I enjoyed it enough to re-post it here:

If you recognize this picture, I am your fellow kindred spirit and want to hug you.

There are certain things I can't imagine not having at Christmastime in the Miller family. Some of them are obvious, some of them less so, but every single one of them is needed - kind of like the ingredients in Christmas cheesecake, or the individual snowflakes in a snowman, or the number of blood cells in... okay, never mind. Here's my list:


1. Unc needs to be there. Unc is my mother's only (younger) brother who lives in Tennessee. His real name is "George Valentine DeVault," which became "Val DeVault," which became "Uncle Val," from which I - I am inordinately proud of my role in this bit of family folklore - derived his famous nickname forever after: "Unc." It caught on very quickly, and now is so engrained into our family that even my mom and dad will occasionally say "Unc" rather than "Val" when he isn't there. He lives in Tennessee and used to come and visit us every year at Christmas when we lived in Georgia. He brought pound cake, he brought presents, he brought his Labrador dogs, but most importantly, he brought himself. He doesn't come anymore now that we live in Utah, and he's married, but I still miss him every year.

2. Every single decoration we own must be put up. Nothing must be allowed to languish in the closet. Old ornaments with any degree of sentimental value must be repaired and reused until they are no longer distinguishable from the tape that holds them together.

3. We must sing our traditional family program, "Walk in Sunlight," on Christmas Eve. Every member of the immediate family must be present. The large cut-out cardboard animals from my mom's ambitious days as a Primary leader must also be in attendance. Dressing up is encouraged for the kids, but no longer mandatory, I think.

4. We must watch "A Child's Christmas in Wales" on Christmas Eve before dinner. Out of all the Christmas movies I have seen, this remains my very favorite, although it may well be my associations of happy times while watching it that make it seem like such a wonderful movie to me. Whatever the case may be, I certainly intend to carry on this tradition in my family, and am fairly certain that some of my other siblings will as well.

5. We must eat the exact same meals every year on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. No alterations or variations whatsoever! And, if at all possible, there is to be no making of this food on any other day of the year - Christmas food shall come but once a year.

6. The stockings must be hung in the bedroom, or close by, and are to be filled, not with toys, but with food for Christmas lunch. This is always a special treat, as it's such fun to wake up early and guess what items will be in the stockings. From years of past experience, we have come to recognize that Santa has a few pretty regular items on the menu, but he has been known to vary it from time to time with unexpected tidbits (my very favorite year was when I got a stuffed penguin in my stocking in addition to the lunch - my, that was like Christmas morning PLUS a Tooth Fairy visit).

7. I - this is a personal issue - must wake up AT LEAST two hours in advance to 6 am, the established hour when we may all sneak upstairs to see what Santa Claus has brought. There's simply no fun at all in sleeping in late on Christmas and losing all that wonderful time of early morning anticipation. Plus when else in the day will you have time to read your scriptures, pore over the last of the Christmas books, complete the ritualistic "checking the stocking" tradition, and ooh and aah over every item and giggle with your siblings about plans for the day.

8. We do our best to watch all of our Christmas movies, but there are certain movies that absolutely MUST be watched in order to make a complete Christmas. Some of them must even be watched at a certain time. In my opinion, these are:

The King is Born (watched the Sunday before Christmas, always)
It's a Wonderful Life (watched the Friday before Christmas, always)
Miracle on 34th Street (the OLD version, usually watched just after Thanksgiving, to get us through the transition of holiday moods)
A Christmas Carol (from 1938 - despite its somewhat censored plot, the screenplay, music, and casting is so wonderful that this is is our favorite version)
The Little Drummer Boy (usually watched the second Sunday before Christmas; it never fails to make my mom cry, and last year it even made me cry, so I guess the tradition is catching on)

9. Every sibling needs to be present. With my oldest brother at Duke University, and my next oldest siblings serving missions in the past two years, it's been a long time since all of our siblings have been together. I'm looking forward to the reunion this Christmas!

10. We have to draw names of siblings, and buy the sibling a present, usually under $20. This was a much more important tradition when I was younger, and obsessed with counting the number of presents I would receive. But we still do it today, and I still like it, so there.

11. We have an empty basket which we are supposed to fill with straws ("good deeds" which we do for each other) from December 1 to cushion the basket for Baby Jesus. I'm sad to say that this tradition appears to be dwindling away, as we usually forget to put in straw or forget to do good deeds, and end up dumping in the whole bag of straw on Christmas Eve anyway. But I still think it's a cute idea, and I'd like to do it with my own children.

12. We always leave out a piece of fruit for Santa every year, by the chimney. We may leave milk, too, but it depends.

Fellow family members, feel free to add what you think needs to be added to make the perfect Miller Family Christmas ever!

*********

Ruth from 2011 speaking here again. I am really sad to see some of these traditions are no longer applicable or feasible (or at least not this year). We gave up #11 in earnest this year, as well as #10, #8, and #2. Due to circumstances beyond our (and likely their) control, #1 and #9 are also no-gos this year. I was a strong force in keeping #12 alive, but being married and grown-up and all, I may or may not feel the obligation to continue this tradition, particularly considering the information provided regarding #6. With regard to #6, Matthew and I both have stockings at our parents' houses instead of our own. While Matthew's stocking has been overflowing upon more than one occasion, my "Santa" has informed me that married children "graduate" from their stockings (WHAT?!?). After so many years of being good and believing in Santa and leaving out the fruit and . . . even writ- wr- writing letters once upon a time (sniff, sob, sigh), I am a little torn up about that. Perhaps a petition is in order. As for #7, I've fallen into the habit of waking up at 5 am whether I wish to or not, every day of the week, due to Matthew's having to start the process of getting ready for work at 6. So yep, got that one covered! So, in conclusion, #7, #3, #4, and #5, though not perhaps quite performed to a T (We watched the movie after dinner, okay? And we're having Christmas Eve on the 25th because it's Sunday, all right!!? Really, I wish you wouldn't get so worked up about this!!!!), are holding down the fort in terms of Miller family Christmas traditions this year. How are your traditions doing, folks?

What I got for Christmas last year

I think it's sad that a lot of Christmases tend to blend into each other, to the point where we forget what we got so-and-so and why and how much he or she liked it and how we wanted X, and why, and how great/awful an idea that was, etc. So anyway, in an attempt to maybe wake up a little bit and be more appreciative of things I got, I'm reviewing a few of the presents I got last year, along with a scale (1-10) of how much I liked the gift at the time, how much I have used it, and how much I like it now.

Here we go!

#1. Poirot DVD.

How much I liked it: 7. I didn't ask for this, but I love movies as a general rule, and I (hardly) ever rule anything (that looks remotely interesting/good) before giving it a chance.

How much I have used it: 2. I watched one episode with my husband. It was interesting, but sort of long, and slow, and heavy. I still think I need to give it another chance, but haven't found the time yet.

How much I like it now: 5. I still like having all the watching material on hand. Movies make great background noise for when I'm writing/researching a paper, especially boring movies!

#2. Bike lock.

How much I liked it: 6. I wanted a bike lock, but I had something a little lighter and smaller in mind. This one took some assembly and occupied a rather large amount of space (and weight) in my backpack.

How much I have used it: 1. I used to ride my bike a lot to the Provo library from my house in Orem, but then I got married in May and moved down to Provo within walking distance of the library. Since it was really too cold to ride my bike until about then, I didn't have a lot of opportunity for using the lock. Also, my husband gave me another one that weighed less and worked just as well. So... yeah. I'm feeling a bit guilty about this one. I need to get back to bike-riding.

How much I like it now: 4. It's a nice present, but I just...don't have much use for it right now.

#3. Swan necklace.

How much I liked it: 10. I love pretty necklaces, and this one just struck me as right in every way - cute, creative, silver, unique, etc.

How much I have used it: 9. I wear a necklace almost every Sunday to church, and this one has been one of my standard favorites this year.

How much I like it now: 10. 

#4. Knitted hat and gloves.

How much I liked it: 9. My sister once knitted me a scarf that I have worn every year since - it is one of my most favorite gifts ever. So I was excited for this present. A lot.

How much I have used it: 2. I did try out the gloves once before realizing that Utah winters can make your fingers really, really cold. Like, way too cold to allow them to be exposed for more than five minutes. As for the hat, it really doesn't stay on very well (i.e. close to my head) and isn't that thick. So yeah... great for indoors. Outdoors... not so much.

How much I like it now: 3. It's still cute. But it's now in the dress-up drawer.

#5. Teddy bear.

How much I liked it: 10. This was a planned present from my sweet boyfriend-at-the-time. I had just been accepted to do an internship with the Church in Salt Lake City from the next January through April, and I would be living in Sandy during the week, away from my family, Matthew, and my warm, familiar bed. So Matthew got me the teddy bear (whom we un-originally christened "Teddy") as a friend and bed companion to keep me from being lonely in Sandy. Cutest thing ever? Yes. Did it work? Yesssss..... well, until Matthew arrived every weekend to pick me up, that is, and I realized just how incredibly home/love-sick I had been all week.


How much I have used it: 8. I loved having Teddy in my room and bed in Sandy. He was a great comfort and a source of fun for Matthew and I. We took him home with us every weekend (even fastening him in a seatbelt in the back like the major dorks we are) and Matthew would sleep with him so that he would smell more like Matthew when I took him back to Sandy with me.

How much I like it now: 9. Just looking at his cute little sweater makes me feel Christmasy. And he's even cuter now that he has two little teddy-bear friends to hang out with (we got them from Matt's sister Crissy after her trip to Europe this summer).

Ten Random Things You Might Not Know About Matthew

10. Despite his well-touted reputation for eating fruit, Matthew amazes me more by his muffin consumption than anything else food-habits-related. He has been known to have five muffins for a meal, and to have demolished an entire bag within two days. Fortunately for me, I only have one every week on our "fruit and yogurt" nights, and he makes them whenever we run out.

9. Matthew claims not to be able to read music, yet he can play guitar (a little), the recorder (a little), and the piano (a little), and can pick up the tenor part of any song (when singing) pretty easily. This baffles me.

8. It bothers him when he wears clothes that don't match. He once accidentally paired a black belt with brown shoes and came home in shame and mourning to me. That's what you get for dressing in the dark when you leave for work at 5:45 am so your wife can sleep in. True love, folks.

7. He dislikes cats, apparently buying somewhat into the myth that they are antisocial and incapable of showing affection, yada yada. After owning two cats of my own and reading James Herriot's opinion on the subject, I am convinced that this is "hogwash." We have come to the agreement that we will get both a cat and a dog, and that if they can get along together, so can we.

Oddly, I don't like kittens nearly as much as cats.

 6. Matthew was pretty terrible at swimming when we first started dating. But I love to swim and we kept going to the pool every week pretty consistently throughout our courtship. With a lot of practice and nagging advice from his beautiful girlfriend, he actually has become a pretty strong/fast swimmer and he can always beat me whenever we race. My next goal is to teach him how to float on his back in the water, though he claims this is impossible.

So true...

5. When I doodle, I draw pictures (usually of hairstyles, horses, and ballet poses). When Matthew doodles, he writes his name. Over and over again, in many different fancy signatures. I thought this was a little weird at first, but I actually think he does have a much cooler and more original signature than I do, so I guess it paid off.

4. Matthew used to do gymnastics when he was about ten (at the same time I was doing karate - funny, huh?). He even showed me his cute little leotard and shorts (which he can still fit into; isn't that incredible/weird?). He didn't stick with it into his teenage years, but he can still walk on his hands for a pretty long distance.

3. If there is one thing Matthew hates, it is exaggerated nasal/cartoon singing. He will stop whatever he is doing to tickle-torture me if I start singing Snow White's "I'm Wishing" in my best high-pitched squeaky princess voice.

2. Matthew gives really good massages. Being his wife and therefore the only one (by my own jealous decree) who can constantly beg/demand one whenever the occasion permits, I am of course biased. But he did tell me that he used to give a lot of stress-relief aid as a high school student, and even considered becoming a masseuse at some point or another. I for one am glad he changed his mind; now I get his hands all to myself....

1. Matthew goes by "Matthew" in his family, never "Matt." I call him "Matthew," but earlier in our courtship I called him "Matt" a lot, and he has said that his friends at school also called him "Matt." Now, most of the time, I call him "Hon." :)

I love him.

Ten Random Things You Might Not Know About Me

I've always wanted to do something like this. So here goes! (Immediate family members, you obviously are going to be the exception here)

10. I have always hated the taste and smell of whole-wheat bread and even though my mom taught all of us how to make it as kids, I will never, ever make it for my family.

9. I started lifting weights when I was 17 and I have never been as strong as I was then. I used to be able to do really tough workouts for over an hour doing my maximum effort with every exercise.

I'm pretty sure my seven-year-old niece could squat more weight than the girl in this picture.

8. I did not learn how to text message until my husband and I started dating. It was a good motivator.

7. I used to love watching ice skating videos and had an amazingly huge crush on the 2002 Winter Figure Skating Men's Champion, Alexei Yagudin. I'm still slightly embarrassed over it, but hey, I was like 14. Hormones happen.

6. When I was ten, I took karate for three years. I loved the forms but hated sparring. When I was fourteen, I switched to ballet for three years. I loved all of it except for pointe. The odd thing is how similar karate and ballet actually were. Each was its own art form with special moves and steps. Each gave me the opportunity to show off my pretty cool flexibility. Each stopped being fun when I began to realize how much pain I was actually in. Oh, and don't forget the funny-looking costumes.

5. I sucked two of my fingers for a long time, like, until I was ten. It was pretty ridiculous. I paid for my folly later in years of going to the orthodontist and being fitted with such torture devices as the dreaded headgear, the Herbst appliance, and all sorts of metal bands and wires.

An instrument of torture if ever I saw one.

4. People who sing loudly and know the lyrics to a lot of popular songs and are always listening to their iPods drive me crazy; ironically, I am now married to one of those people.

3. I have a hard time keeping names of people I've known for a few months straight, but I memorized over 70 names of stuffed animals owned by me and my siblings and can still recall them all perfectly upon sight even though I haven't seriously played with them in over seven years.

This isn't my collection. Some of these animals look brand new (tags still attached). Plus I never would buy animals wearing clothes or in unnatural colors (the green bears just give me a queasy feeling).

2. I have lost a lot of strange things over the years, some more valuable and sentimental than others. After I lose something and spend a good deal of time searching for it in vain, I always pray to find that thing. In every case but one that I can remember, I have always found the thing within the matter of a day. The one time I didn't find what I prayed to find was when I was attending some kind of event with my family (possibly general conference at Temple Square) and I gave my dad my glasses to hold onto (this was back when I used to wear glasses more often). When I asked him for them, he didn't have them and we never did find them.

1. For five years, I owned a rabbit named Jacques. He deserves his own blog post, really, but here is a summary of what I want to say: I cleaned up his messes several times every day (including the ones he left on himself and the ones he aimed over his litter box at the wall), was (sometimes deeply) scratched and clawed at when I trimmed his nails every few months (despite wrapping him up in a towel beforehand), washed the seven parts of his cage every week (including cleaning the itsy bitsy bits of poop that would get stuck in the hard-to-clean millions of little corners in the waffle-design of the cage's floor), took care of him when he got "head-tilt" (It's just what it sounds like; look it up), chased away cats from our backyard so he could run outdoors, and cleaned out his insides when he got maggots (the #1 most disgusting thing I have ever seen/done in my life; toddler poop doesn't even come close). I loved him like a baby and when he finally died after being pretty sick and losing control of his bowels and leg muscles, I cried for a long time. I will always miss him and please don't expect me to care that much when someone complains about what a hassle it is to walk or brush or clean up after their dog or cat.

What I Learned as a Grad Student, Semester 1

Here it is, folks! That list of all-important things I learned during my first year as a graduate student. Learn from me, and you will be totally prepared should you ever find yourself in my footsteps.

1. As a graduate student, you can work 30 hours. This is helpful to know before you are given a warning by the secretary of the department of one of your jobs and before you compose and send a lengthy e-mail requesting an extension to both departments.

2. If you have two jobs for the first time on campus, you may find it difficult to record your hours. This may be because you were not granted online access for nearly a month and thus had to stay on campus to punch out even if you are doing some of your work off-campus. It may also be because the entire campus system of Kronos was overthrown in the middle of the semester and you had to figure out the retard--um, the new system, Y-Time.

3. If the semester feels vaguely familiar to you, it might be because you are TA-ing the exact same class by the exact same professor in the exact same room in the exact same building.

4. If the semester feels vaguely different to you, it might be because your professor has slightly altered the class so that almost none of your lesson plans for last year's discussion sections apply.

5. It may also be because the rooms where you teach have computers and projectors in them!

6. When both of your graduate-level classes meet in the same room, it may be nice to come up with a way to make sure you always know which class you're in. Say, by sitting on the other side of the table.

7. It's a great idea to bring your computer to class to take notes! Just make sure that you 1) sit at an angle so no one can see what you're typing, 2) turn off the sound before packing the computer so that you don't disrupt class when your computer starts, 3) arrive to class early so that your computer will finish the lengthy 'turning on'  process before class is over,  4) get used to holding books open with one hand so you can read while you're walking to and from school, and 5) don't accidentally leave your computer in the humanities department's lunchroom when you go there to pick up some free food.

8. Remember how you used to worship the syllabus as a undergraduate, reading it and underlining its various passages, due dates, and assignments? Well, forget all that. After the first week or two, the syllabus will start to become obsolete. At first this will be subtle, like when your professor talks about the wrong book on the wrong day, or when you take an entire class period off to discuss how annoying it is to grade undergraduate writing. This transformation will become complete by the end of the semester, when every due date is pushed back, certain requirements are forgotten about altogether ("Final? We're having a final? Since when?"), and paper guidelines become a source of comedy ("It says here the main difference between the short and long papers is that we're supposed to write about more than one film in the long paper! Did you ever hear anything so absurd!?!?").

9. If you decide to follow the advice you were given at the beginning of the semester and begin working on plans/ideas/committees for your thesis right away, good for you! If you become overwhelmed the next week by all the reading and writing you are expected to do and thus forget entirely about your thesis, well, better luck next semester, when you will be forced to come up with a thesis topic or be kicked out of the program!

10. Free food for graduates! What a wonderful idea! The only thing I can think of to improve the graduate dinners we attended would be to offer adult-sized servings as well as children-sized.

11. Interlibrary loans of articles for graduates! What a wonderful idea! Now if there was only some way to know what articles and books you were going to need to research the topic you were going to write on in the semester before you were taking the class.

12. Remember how the last day of class used to be emotional and everyone would want to stay afterwards and say nice things about the class and the professor and promise to get together and take other classes together and then there would be a round of applause and each student would take a chocolate-covered donut or something on the way out? Yeah, me neither. Which brings me to

13. Don't be the last one out of the classroom on the last day of class. You'll be forced to say nice things about the class and the professor and promise to try to take more classes with the same people and maybe even find yourself committing to drop by and discuss "the thesis."

14. The hierarchy of knowledge, experience, and power goes 1) single grad students, 2) married grad students, 3) married grad students with babies, 4) married professors with children of any age, and 5) single, cranky, typically old professors.

Allow me to explain further: No. 1s tend to be fiercely independent or nonchalant regarding their unproved status, and often create bonds of friendship with no. 4s and 5s to elevate their levels of influence and secondhand experience. No. 1s also generally have the most knowledge of obscure topics in popular culture, such as what band did what song in what year, and what film references what saying by what crazy rock star.

While no. 2s tend to be the most optimistic, they must remember that they know nothing of hardship or trial compared to the no. 3s, because they've never given birth or been woken up in the middle of the night by a crying baby.

The majority of no. 3s are quite practical and keep the class on focus with questions like "How is this going to help me get a job?" and "Could we cover this topic before I have to leave class to pick up my daughter?" There are a few exceptional no. 3s, who try to maintain the cool nonchalance of the no. 1 while courting the admiration of the no. 2s by showing off countless pictures and anecdotes of their alleged children. Note that these no. 3s tend to drink a lot of soda and always always always bring a laptop to class.

I will save my notes on no. 4s and 5s for a later time, since this is already becoming quite the sidetrack.

15. You CAN write 50 pages in a week. I never said it would be easy. I never said it would be worth it. But even so, it's nice to know.

16. On some days, your hair will look like THIS. I have prepared a handy top five list of excuses:

5. "I just went to the gym." More convincing if you happen to be wearing an exercise shirt at the time.

4. "I think I'm coming down with something." Said in your best hoarse voice.

3. "We don't have a mirror in our apartment and I lost my comb." Works well if said in a desperate, quivering voice, accompanied nearly by tears.

2. "Eh, I'm already married." Sure to inspire wonder or hope in single students, create instant camaraderie with married students, and stir up jealousy from socially awkward or weird strangers who have the nerve to question you about your looks.

1. "I'm a graduate student." This classic can be played in several ways: There's the emotionless voice coupled with the distant, distracted gaze; the maniacal laugh and crazy-glint-in-eye combination; the cool shrug of the shoulders and careless tossing of hair; and my favorite, the sorrowful, depressed confession accompanied by heavy sobs indicating that you have only just now realized the sacrifices entailed by your life.

Merry Christmas break, everyone! And good luck on your thesis!

Our Year in Pictures

January

Edward likes me more than Santa!

February

Engaged!

 March

Editing internship

 April

In love

Academic conference in Texas

May

Married on May 28, 2011 :)

 June

Road trip to St. George for Matthew's cousin's wedding

 July

 

Short hair!

August

Enjoying the break

 September

Anniversary of our first date :)

 October

Pretending to be doctors

November

Thankful for us

 December

Merry Christmas!

 

It's beginning to look a little like Christmas

What with our being poor college students and our having our parents' homes already quite lavishly decorated for our enjoyment, I figured we would not have much of Christmas cheer around our little apartment. However, that was before Matthew brought home this:

O Christmas Treetop

Though he claimed to have stolen this cute two-foot catch from his parents' house, it actually was discovered to belong to him (or his old bedroom, anyway), and we combined a few of our own personal ornaments to decorate it. You can't tell from the picture but it has colored lights on it too.

But this was just the beginning. Our barren kitchen-door window was a source of much sadness to us over the fall. Fortunately, my amazing husband once again knew the cure!

I'm Dreaming of a White (Blue?) Christmas

I will modestly refrain from telling you which two (hint, hint) I contributed to the cause; they turned out rather nicely though, for which I am glad since I was watching Stardust at the same time.

The newest addition in our efforts to Christmastize our apartment arrived yesterday, courtesy of a shopping trip to an outlet store in search of good deals.

Little Baby Jesus

Believe it or not, we got this cute little nativity set absolutely for free! (With any purchase) And I love it already, though we probably need to find a better place for it than its current situation.

The next thing we need to do is figure out how we can recreate this fireplace and Christmas living room scene, which we visited while walking through the Riverwoods outdoor lights display a few weeks ago.

 

Isn't it absolutely the cutest, Christmasy-est thing ever!?!?

Let me tell you some more about that friendly red lamp that those people are clustered around in the last picture. First of all, there are many of these lamps around the outdoor light display. Secondly, they emit heat. Thirdly, I am in love with them and I want one in our bedroom. How about it, Santa? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?

Also last week, my husband was overcome with an urgent need to make snickerdoodle cookies, so it's also beginning to smell like Christmas. Or at least, like cinnamon and sugar. Eh, close enough.
 

We have five more stacks of these waiting to be eaten or given away. "Serves four" (direct quote from recipe) my eye!