Thursday, April 22, 2010

Done. Or perhaps not so done....

Yesterday at 9:40 pm, I finished my last final (it was for a Humanities seminar on comedy and satire, in case you were wondering) for Winter semester. Strangely, my first feeling upon finishing was not one of relief or exhaustion, but one of irritation that I could not remember the exact names of Guy Debord and Matt Groening (I put Guy Depard and Matt Goerning - think the teacher will notice?). Then after that, I shrugged and said, "Aaaah, whatever." Not exactly the equivalent of Judge Holden's exultant "never die" dance.


So, my thoughts about the semester?


First of all, I am astonished at how little writing I did this semester as compared to other semesters. Only two short papers (five pages - please), some handouts (okay, three - all of them at least two pages long - but c'mon, it's a handout), four Spanish "papers" (note that I say "papers" in an exaggerated tone accompanied by rolling eyes and fingers making fake air quotation marks), and two long papers (I stopped counting after 12 pages), both of which I have high hopes for (but I'm expecting them to be dashed as well, so I won't be disappointed, either way). Compare this to two winters ago, where I wrote two "long" papers, one "medium paper" and 12 short (3 pageish) papers for just ONE class (Oh yeah, and we did a handout as well).


Secondly, my test-taking skills have plummeted. I remember when I used to beg for more time than 3 hours to sit in the Humanities Testing Center, hoping to scrawl down at least 10 more of the 100,000 notes that I had scattered in my brain regarding a particular essay question. Last night, I was ready to leave after 15 minutes - it took an epic effort to force myself to stay for just one more question, and then two more questions, and then three, and so on until....aha! As for the McCarthy essay, by the time I had finished talking about The Orchard Keeper, Child of God, Blood Meridian, the Border trilogy, No Country for Old Men, and The Road, I couldn't even think of anything to say about The Sunset Limited or a conclusion. I vaguely recall thinking the words, "So, White kills himself and Black let him do it, cause we have agency and isn't that great? Amen," but who knows what came out on the page?


Thirdly, out of nowhere, I won second place in a writing contest this semester. Phi Kappa Phi something or other. Nice to know those frenzied hours writing that Emerson paper paid off in the form of cash and a fancy dinner, I suppose. I also have a nice certificate and a new line on my resume. How many of my other papers can say as much?


Fourthly, my dirty little secret of the semester: I never read Catch 22. But - and this is the worst part - I TOTALLY FAKED THAT I DID. Will this affect my grade? To be continued.


Fifthly, I really and thoroughly enjoyed the beginning volleyball class I took this semester. So much so that I've decided to take it again in the fall. Can I do that? Yes I can. Should I do that when other people who haven't taken it might also be trying to sign up for it? Shh.


Sixthly, I ALMOST saw every film at the International Cinema this year, and ALMOST felt a great sense of pride and accomplishment at doing so. Seriously, I was so close that I could weep. I missed only three films in the theater, and have seen one of the three so far, but I will see the other two before the year is out, SO HELP ME.


Seventhly (Hey, has anyone ever said that before?), a list of things I learned during the semester:


1. Don't procrastinate.
2. Never write on anything boring.
3. If your computer breaks and you don't have your files saved, you're screwed.
4. If you have a quiz in your first class and you forgot to study until that morning, don't stress. If you park in the Marriott Center, you have a 20 min. walk to campus during which you can study.
5. Always ask for a bag when you check out 20 or more books from the library.
6. Auditing is AWESOME.
7. Go to Devotionals - if they're interesting, great! If they're boring, you can sit in the back and read.
8. Go to Mask Clubs - they're free and they're fun. Thursdays - 1, 2, and 4 pm in the Nelke.
9. This is such a sensitive piece of information that I hesitate to reveal it to the online community at large, but having faith in the discretion and fewness of my readers, I do so: There is a vending machine in the SWKT that sells fruit snacks for 70 cents; all other vending machines sell them for 75 cents. Now you know. Use it wisely.

And now that I have a break (all the way until next Tuesday, can you believe it?!?), I'm going to spend some time putting together my school portfolios (I still have stuff from LAST WINTER lying around), preparing my McCarthy paper for "something," (My lips are sealed, but my hopes are preparing to be dashed) watching the movies I missed, practicing for an organ duet on Sunday, preparing a lesson for Sunday, and watching my big brother Daniel graduate tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention that I checked out the latest Brian Jacques book this week? Squeal!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Vexing Conversations of the Past Few Days

Scene: Perky student approaches after class.

Perky student: "So, I'm trying to come up with some ideas on how I can make my implications section stronger. I know how this is going to sound, because I'm a Writing Fellow, and I hear students tell me this all the time and I think 'Aaaargh - that is SO your job!' but could you help me....ummm.......brainstorm some implications?"

Me: "!???!?!??!?? Mmmmm - tell me how you would handle this, again...."

*********

Scene: Irritated student raises hand in the middle of a final exam review.

Irritated student: "I still don't get how we're supposed to compare Emerson and Thoreau."

Me: "Well, just know the basic similarities and differences between them based on what we read and talked about in class."

Student (pounding on the desk in frustration): "But what ARE the differences? They're too similar!"

Me: (Scrambling) "Well, what do you guys think? I mean, obviously Emerson didn't go out to live in the woods...so you might start with that. Can anyone else think of anything?"

Silence......................

Me: "Just focus on your notes - it won't be a big deal as long as you know what we've talked about. The main focus should be on telling the difference between them. So, moving on..."

Student: (tearing out chunks of hair, shrill scream) "I DON'T GET IT! Why can't you at least give us some bullet points to cover the general concepts!?!!!!?"

Me: (In an undiscernable whisper) "Because, um, that would be chea.......ting....." (Louder) "I'm not prepared to discuss them in depth right now, but we can talk later, and I really suggest you review your notes and the reading to see how they're different."

Student: (Hurls book at the wall, mutters a stream of curses in foreign languages under her breath, and settles down with a scowl for the rest of the review...)

***********

Scene: Someone in our family tells me that someone is on the phone for me. I pick up the phone.

Me: "Hello?"

Girl: "Um, hello?"

Me: "Yeah, it's Ruth. Are you calling about visiting teaching?" (Clarification - 98% of phone calls which I receive are about visiting teaching)

Girl: "No, not this time."

Me: "Ok."

Pause.........

Silence.........

Now entering threshold of awkwardness..........

Me: "So, what's up?"

Girl: "I'm calling to see if you can do X on Saturday."

Me: "Oh, sorry. I have other plans then - writing papers and all that."

Silence...............

ENHANCED AWKWARDNESS...............

Me: "Hello?"

Girl: "Okay."

Me: "Okay?"

Silence................

AWKWARDNESS LEVEL VERY HIGH - WARNING: HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER/ANGER/PANIC AHEAD!!!!

Me: "Well, goodbye then."

Girl: "Okay. Bye."

************

Scene: I'm writing a paper in the dining room. The doorbell rings. Nobody answers it. Finally, I get up and run over, opening it to find three youngish Hispanic kids.

Kid #1: "Oh, hey! Peekaboo!"

Me: "Um, hey...."

Kid #1: (talking to the others) "So, anyway, this is where he lives. I found his house."

Me: (Annoyed) "What do you guys want?"

Kid #1: "Are you Daniel's mother?"

Me: (Furious/Baffled/Shocked)SPLUMGHTTTPHPHHTHHnoI'mnothowdareyouthat'sitIamslammingthisdoorrightnowandgettingbacktomypaperdidhereallythinkthatIlooklikeDaniel'smotherwhenI'mhisYOUNGERsisterbyTWOYEARSandhowmuchtroublewillIgetintoifIpunchthiskidinthechinashardasIcan???!???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????

Kid #1: (Approximately 0.5 seconds later) "Or his sister?"

Me: (Struggling to keep clenched fists by side)

Me: (Through gritted teeth) "How do you know Daniel?"

Kid #1: "I'm his mentor!" (Note: Daniel is actually Kid #1's mentor. The fact that Kid #1 is apparently not very bright makes me feel about 0.0985% better)

Me: (Spat) "Obviously."

(At this moment, fortunately for more than one person, Daniel comes downstairs)

I dunno, folks. With conversations like these, I've definitely been feeling the urge to practice my "Eyes of Hate" glare once more.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

March 2010 Media Inventory

Happy Easter, everyone! We've been watching General Conference at home today and yesterday, and I decided to be modern and type my notes on the computer this year. So far no one has complained about the tapping noises, and I enjoy giving my right hand a break (and conserving the ink in my rare and precious pens which I use to take notes at school) and honing my typing skillz. Um, skills.

So anyway, it's April, and here's what I watched and read in March:

Movies:

Straight, No Chaser: I was very upset to miss this film at the International Cinema the week it was playing, so you can imagine my delight to find that it was coincidentally playing at the Orem Public Library. And my later anguish after discovering that it was probably the most difficult, tedious jazz movie out of the entire lot that I saw in February. But at least I know now that the guy's name was Thelonious Monk, not Theophilus Monk.

Departures: A well done film about an unlikely subject - an Asian musician who ends up changing his career to one that requires him to prepare dead bodies for burial. It was gently funny and also touching, though a little bit drawn out in my opinion. Won the Foreign Language Academy Award.

The Stepford Wives: A bit of a ridiculous film. I was unnerved and slightly bored at the same time. Which is the first time I can recollect having that emotion, so congratulations, movie. You're the first.

The Mask of Satan: With a title like that, you know it's GOTTA be good, right!??? Well, at least it wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be. That's all I'm gonna say.

Dr. No: Pretty fun. James Bond. The infamous bikini scene. I feel "cultured."

Hero: Wonderful, fabulous, glorious, remarkable, magnificent. One of the most breathtaking films I've ever seen in terms of effects and aesthetics. The colors! The details! The implausible, unrealistic, exquisitely choreographed fight sequences! It's like a film dessert :)

Man on Wire: A terrific film, so interesting and unusual, and it REALLY HAPPENED! It doesn't even feel like a documentary, it's so engrossing. The version that I saw was unfortunately difficult to understand for a large part of it, since several of the characters spoke English with decidedly French accents and the DVD didn't give us the help of subtitles during those parts.

Slumdog Millionaire: Great film, and the huge crowd at BYU who saw it with me definitely helped add to the energetic ambience. I found myself tearing up a bit more this time, and I saw a few more details that I had overlooked the first time I saw it.

The Apartment: I thought this was a very well made film. Even if it did nearly break my heart to see Fred McMurray play such a terribly sympathetic yet ultimately awful character. Why, Fred, why?

Kabei: Confession - I didn't see all of this film, I had to run out for a bathroom break. It was about a mother whose husband is arrested for the usual, anti-government reading and thinking, and then how the family has to cope. It wasn't spectacular, but it was okay.

Repulsion: A very artistic film, but surprisingly still very accessible and not that difficult to understand. There are a few "gotcha" moments that resulted in some exclamations and nervous laughs from the class I watched it with, which is always fun.

Hour of the Wolf: An Ingmar Bergman film to be sure (Oooh, look how interesting my face is.... Mmmmm, this angle is disorienting.... Oh, a loud sound! That's creepy!), but left me with a greater sense of truth and enlightenment than "Personae," my unfortunate first exposure to Bergman which left me forever wary of him at the age of 19. I was impressed with the concept, and there was enough coherence and unity between the beginning and end for me to survive with some dignity.

The White Balloon: I was expecting a humdrum, sappy little film about children, and was completely taken unawares by this heartfelt, truthful depiction of a little girl and her brother who are preparing to celebrate the New Year. The way the film made each event that unfolded seem so important and meaningful kept me riveted to the screen, and I was very impressed by the authenticity of the child actors (yeah, the girl was a little bit annoying, but she was so gosh darn cute that I couldn't stay angry with her). It reminded me of the Beverly Cleary and Eleanor Estes books in a way, making regular, normal things into interesting, insightful events.

The Return: It's simple and subtle, but don't be fooled - this is an amazingly dramatic and emotional film. The events are again that of a rather normal Russian family, but the realism is palpable. I was...ahhhh, I already said it....but there's just no other way to say it...RIVETED, folks.

Downfall: Probably the longest film I've seen this year at 156 minutes, but for that amount of time, it seemed to go pretty quickly. It covers the last ten days of Hitler's life and feels like a definite roller coaster as people argue, worry, and hope over their lives and the lives of their loved ones. There's some really raw stuff here, but I appreciated the sincere and detailed look into this terrible and terrifying moment in history.

Evan Almighty: Oh, Steve Carell. You are so silly.

Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb: I enjoyed it a lot more this time than I did the first time I saw it, probably because I hadn't learned then to stop worrying and just love the individual performances and lines ("Gentlemen, you can't fight in here - this is the war room!").

Targets: In some ways this film didn't seem like a real horror film (So passive! So detached!) but in other ways it was absolutely terrifying. I thought the casting and the performances were excellent, though. Boris Karloff as a good guy - me likey!

Night of the Living Dead: A classic. I was very sad at the end.

Bringing Up Baby: I have now "lived," according to authorities in my Humanities classes. It was hard at first for me to believe Katharine Hepburn's character (I never believe any of Cary Grant's characters anyway, so that wasn't a problem), but I eventually stopped worrying about it and enjoyed myself.

Annie Hall: I found it to be a string of depressing Seinfeld-esque episodes.

Rhapsody in August: Very lovely and thoughtful tribute. It felt honest without being one-sided.

Barefoot Gen: Without a doubt, the most graphic, horrifying, and disturbing animated film I have ever seen. It definitely had some important things to communicate, but I still feel sick thinking about it.

Eraserhead: A bizarre film that feels a bit too simple to be surreal, and way too weird to be normal. Very symbolic. Also, very gross.

Suspiria: Rather a roller coaster of a film. Full of shocks and surprises, blood'n'guts, crazy colors, and sensational moments. Thank goodness for the ending.

Get Smart: I liked it more than I want to admit.

The Man in the Moon: Sweet, emotional coming-of-age movie until the ending, which seems to fall apart with a weak, simplified resolution. The beginning is the best part - sincere, touching and beautiful.

The Triplets of Belleville: How to describe!?? Lots of weirdly wacky weirdness. LOTS. A very visual film - perhaps the best example of a film where dialogue is not at all important to understanding what's going on.

Together: A fairly enjoyable film, though a tad predictable. Aw, the dad and his son love each other. Oh, and the son's a brilliant musician, so good for him.

I am Cuba: An amazing film, probably the most pleasant surprise I've had in the difference between my expectations and my experience. It's rather long, but definitely worth the viewing. Each of the four stories was conceived and performed with wonderful sincerity and authenticity. My favorite was the third, about the students. But the first was really good too. Hey, you wanna know more, look it up.

Grave of the Fireflies: Well, it was a month for devastating animated films, I suppose. I preferred this film to Barefoot Gen, however; it seemed gentler while still being very poignant and powerful.

EXistenZ: We watched it in horror class, but it felt more like sci-fi with a few dashes of mostly intellectual horror and some action sequences. I still liked it. Especially the title. It feels so postmodern, y'know!?!

Theater:

Blood Wedding: A depressing Spanish play. Not as powerful or provoking as Fuente Ovejuna. Had some good music and choreography, though.

As You Like It: Pretty fun. Not my most favorite of Shakespeare's comedies, but I enjoyed certain concepts (the sequences with the ski-mask clad usurpers were exciting and creative), lines and performances (Jaques and Phoebe were both more interesting than usual, and I really liked the Adam character) very much.

Books:

Sunset Limited: A novel in dramatic form, so it should be in a category of its own, I suppose. Anyway, it's a profound little work with a lot to say in a little bit of space. I will be reading it again.

Evil Genius: I found it somewhat tedious and difficult to keep track of all the characters and complicated order of events, but I still admired the concept, and I still finished the book, so... it couldn't have been awful. I need a break before I get to the sequel, though.

The Lovely Bones: I'm not really sure what I thought of this book. Overall I didn't really like either the concept or the execution, but there were still some parts where I admired the author's style and agreed with the points she was making.

The Crying of Lot 49: This book is a MONKEY. That is all.

Fablehaven: I'm re-reading the series to prep myself for the fifth book, which was released around last week (and which Daniel bought for me for an early birthday present - squeeeee!). Anyway, I have only three words to say: Fabulous! Wonderful! Amazing!

Fablehaven 2: (Gushing) Remarkable! Brilliant! Marvelous! My favorite book of the series (so far...), though I think the 4th is better written.