Mini Vacation #2: To buy three pastries or two?

Our second trip involved an impressive SEVEN of us going to Cedar City for one night to see two plays at the Utah Shakespeare Festival.

The car trip turned out to be considerably longer and duller than our Park City venture, but this time we were able to pull out all the stops, including books, Odysseys, Rubix cubes, string games, board games, and naps.

The festival was predictably amazing. We had tickets to two plays, "Pride and Prejudice" (in the indoor theater) and "The Merchant of Venice" (in the outdoor theatre ~note the spelling). Despite the occurrence of allergy problems (and an alarming attack of sleepiness during P&P - I can't imagine why!), I really enjoyed both plays. A few comments:

P&P: I loved Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. Lady Catherine was a bit affected. Mr. Bingley was surprisingly short. Wickham and Mr. Collins were excellent. Unfortunately, I know the story so well that it was easy to lose focus.

Merchant: Fantastic play! I've read it before but didn't remember it being so funny! There are so many stories going on at once, and lots of really memorable characters too.

Dinner: Southwest salad at the Irish pub. I was hungry for the rest of the night (when will I learn not to order salads if I am actually hungry?), but was grateful for the excuse to buy two tarts (the conniving wench tried to sell me three, not telling me that "cheesecake" was a separate flavor of its own unconnected to the "raspberry" which she first mentioned) - raspberry and apple. I shared with Sarah and we agreed that the cost was worth the price (whatever that means).

A lovely view of Mama and Daddy's heads... oh, and the stage.

Daniel in the theater. Excuse me, theatre.

Most of us agreed that this picture doesn't look a thing like me. WHO IS THIS PERSON?

An artistic shot. Also known as the Giant Elbow.

Sarah...just had a "lightbulb" moment.

Mini-Vacation #1: Turns out they're fun!

The powers that be in the Miller family decided that there would be no official vacation this year, but that didn't stop yours truly from taking two short ones!

First was a trip to Park City to watch my amazing starlet sister Sarah perform in a harp camp concert. For the first time ever, I was the sole driver, and was prepared for the boredom of a long car trip with plenty of Odysseys, but the highway turned out to be quite exciting enough. Fortunately, Hannah responded well to my tense attitude and barked orders for her to repeat (up to 25 times) the next step in our journey as thoughtfully outlined by Google Maps.

We had a great deal of fun at our hotel, swimming and watching "Little House on the Prairie" as we ate our Sub sandwiches, then more swimming and watching of movies and staying up until 1 am reading when we were unable to sleep due to the hardness of the bed and pillows... wait, how did that get in there?

The highlight of our visit was of course, seeing this lovely person:

Look how shocked she is to see us for the first time! Ok, so maybe she's playing it cool. I tried to upload the video we made of her performance, but my computer was overwhelmed (by the sheer awesomeness, I imagine) and crashed after a couple of hours of *loading*, so...no video.

Sarah's competition in the harp-off. Whoa, it was a performance you say? Aw, and here I thought the whole time they were competing for that fancy harp. Sarah totally won, by the way, in the completely unbiased opinion of

the judges.

June 2010 Media Inventory

Well, another month has flown by, and I am not at all sorry to see it go. Spring has always been my least favorite season, due to allergies, the heat (hard on fair skin and on long hair - I've managed to tackle both issues head on by getting sunburned and cutting my hair), the bugs, and that awful smell of fresh cut grass that messes up my sinuses.

So, in between avoiding the outdoors and finishing off my spring semester, here's what I watched and read in the month of June:

Movies:

Fun with Dick and Jane: Very funny. Of course, as with many comedies, this movie could have some serious problems if taken seriously, but don't worry about that because you won't.

Just Like Heaven: Maybe not a great film, but still surprisingly engaging and believable, all more the impressive considering the completely unbelievable plot. Reese Witherspoon is really all the reason you need to watch the film anyway. She's just so... watchable.

500 Days of Summer: I've wanted to see this for a while, and was quite disappointed when the library's version refused to play the last two minutes wherein we get some semblance of a happy ending... Still, I quite enjoyed the overall film, story, characters, and the real though sad and difficult message at its heart.

About a Boy: Sweet. Clever. Funny. A little bit...um...British.

The Dead Poets Society: Certainly a film worth watching, but with more ups and downs than you might expect. There are moments that made me cringe aplenty, but other moments that moved me to tears and highmindedness. Very sad.

The Princess Bride: Can you tell I needed a bit of cheering up at this point? Yup. Thanks!

Big: A fairly simple film but genuinely sweet. Though a bit immature. Like most ten-year-old boys.

Nanny McPhee: Eh. I enjoyed Colin Firth's performance, of course, and was sort of drawn in by the fairy-tale design of the characters and sets, but wasn't really impressed by anything else. It's kind of disheartening when you realize that the nanny can just solve anything with magical powers.

For Richer or Poorer: I'm going to say as little as possible about this film.

The Neverending Story: It would be fun to make a joke here about the neverending qualities of this movie, but the truth is that I found the ending quite abrupt and unexpected. I kept hoping for something more insightful and intriguing to emerge from the surface, but nothing ever did, and then the movie ended. The whole experience felt oddly like watching a children's book.

Fletch: Yeah, I've seen it before, but I was in the mood, okay? And I forgot how funny it is when he shows the picture of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!

Billy Elliott: A highly impressive film. Each of the actors in the family did a fantastic job in representing the hopes, beliefs, and behavior of a torn family. I forgot I was watching a film sometimes - the acting was so truthful and heartfelt. Be warned that sometimes the truth can be ugly.

The Golden Compass: I was actually enjoying it very much until the end - what the what? There was a scene that felt like a nice "calm before the storm" sequence, and then suddenly the main character starts bringing up all of these issues and reminding the audience of our need to see them resolved in a resolute fashion and then all of a sudden- THE END. !?!!?????!?!!? I remember there being a controversy about this film when it first came out, and I still can't understand why. Other than that atrocious ending, it's a pretty creative, engaging, enjoyable fantasy-type film. And can I just say that I LOVE Nicole Kidman as an evil villainess? Yeah, we need more of that.

Savage Sam: I didn't enjoy the book at all, but decided to give the movie a chance. After all, I loved Old Yeller (book and movie) so much; it was easy to see how I could have exaggerated my childhood disappointment in the sequel without just cause. The movie is entertaining and fun (who doesn't like watching kids get kidnapped by Indians and rescued by cowboys?), but nowhere near the classic that Old Yeller is. For one thing, Savage Who? Please - I can barely remember what the dog looks like. And I'm pretty sure no one in the movie calls him "Savage" anything. It was a good idea to have the old Travis and Arliss reprise their roles, but they just... really... seem...like they're acting too much. Where's Ma? The only one who really seemed like his old self was Jumper the mule.

Fletch Lives: I liked Fletch better. But I still wish there were more Fletch-es.

Letters from Juliet: Should have waited for the library. The Provo library. That ought to tell you my opinion right there.

Love Wrecked: Yeah, I know. It's a silly, shallow, superficial --- squee! Um, excuse me. It won't happen again.

Doubt: See, I watched a strict, serious, solemn movie about religious people as penance. Which was also pretty good.

Where the Red Fern Grows: I was feeling reminiscient and thinking about dogs, so the inevitable happened.

Are We There Yet?: I should have read Eric Snider's review first.

Enchanted: Yes! Refreshing, good, fun movie! I feel happy again!

The Terminal: I wouldn't call it a comedy (Provo Library, I am looking at you), but it was a thought-provoking and interesting film with some riveting performances. Perhaps I'd better re-watch Sleepless in Seattle and see if I can come to grips with my feelings about Tom Hanks's like-ability.

Six Days, Seven Nights: Harrison Ford? How could you?

The Englishman who went Up a Hill but Down a Mountain: Delightful. The characters and story are simple yet pleasing - I even enjoyed the impertinent narrator - though the accents are occasionally difficult to understand.

What a Girl Wants: Not a bad film. Colin Firth saves it, as usual.

Mom at Sixteen: Plenty disturbing (though the ending is sweetly relieving). I arrived without any difficulty at the conclusion that one should never if possible become a mom at sixteen.

Knight and Day: I really enjoyed the beginning. Funny, clever, and action-packed. Then the middle got really complicated, and the ending... was just lame. But I would re-watch the beginning in a heartbeat.

Opera:

Yes! I watched opera this month! Did YOUUUUU? And if you did, did you watch it for FREEEEEEEEE? Cause I did!!!!!!!

Trial by Jury: A delightful Gilbert and Sullivan comedy about a divorce court with all sorts of hypocrisies and biases going on. I was perturbed (yes, perturbed) by my inability to understand all the words, but the humor was fortunately self-evident.

The Telephone: Much less entertaining (and fortunately, much shorter) than Trial by Jury. Reminded me of why I don't really care for opera all that much.

Books:

The Da Vinci Code: I had been told by everyone that this was a thrilling page-turner that you wouldn't be able to put down, so I read it with great anticipation, hoping to come across the part that was so exciting that I wouldn't be able to put it down. Alas, as you might have guessed, I finished the book before coming upon the part that would make me yearn to finish the book. I didn't have a real problem with any of the book's supposedly blasphemous conclusions (I guess I was asleep during all the main controversies of my teenager-hood) but I was distracted from the bajillion incredible insights revealed by the author by my main concern, which was WHEN DO THESE PEOPLE EVER SLEEP? In the end, I was unimpressed, though I don't blame the author or the book. I think, perhaps, I was hoping for more controversy than was actually there. That's what leaning on the reports of others will get ya, folks.

The Novel: FINALLY finished this book (because two months is an incredibly long amount of time to read a single book, you know?). It's interesting, but wow, you'd better read it as fast as you can if you hope to care about or even remember the characters by the end.

The Jane Austen Book Club: I went in with low expectations, and, lo and behold, they were surpassed. This is definitely a readable book. It has similarities to the Jane Austen novels! It is occasionally amusing and insightful. I have nothing further to say.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: #1 and #2: I eyed these books for a very long time as a child, and until now have always heeded the author's advice to put them back on the shelf if you don't care for unhappy books. But now that I'm an adult, fie! I shall read whatever I want! Even if it is obviously written for eight-year-olds and revolves around a single, stable plot and one-dimensional characters!

Adventures in the Screen Trade: William Goldman's The Princess Bride is one of my favorite books, so I figured I might enjoy looking through his other books. I examined about three or four of them, but ended up reading only this one. I think he's at his best when writing like a journalist rather than a novelist, and he certainly does that here. It's an insightful, clever, witty (and I'm assuming truthful) account of his personal experiences in screenwriting. I was fascinated nearly the whole way through (there's a rather long section about his adaptation of a short story that seemed unnecessary and out of place).

Anyone have any good books or authors for me to try over the summer? If not, I guess there's always War and Peace.

May 2010 Media Inventory

Being sick for a week and starting spring semester might have something to do with this being my lowest media-consuming month: only 21 movies! On the other hand, 5 books is pretty decent for one month.

Movies:

The Vikings: What a great film! About vikings! The Kirk Douglas-Tony Curtis partnership worked a little better in Spartacus, I thought, but still, this was well worth watching. Lots of good old fashioned bullying, bragging, and brawling, and even a little bit of tragedy too. I hadn't really considered myself a Kirk Douglas fan until this year, but hey, why not?

Barabbus: Despite my fondness for Anthony Quinn and my curiosity over the actual character of Barabbus, I didn't "get" this movie. I wanted to stone it.

Titanic: I get the feeling that I would have been more impressed if I had seen it in 2002. However, it wasn't a bad film (fine, that ONE part...) and still impressed/teared me up some.

Finding Neverland: I went on a bit of a Johnny Depp kick this month, so I naturally enjoyed this film with him as a rather introverted yet endearing English gent. And it has Kate Winslet too, who looked so familiar for SOME reason.

Edward Scissorhands: A must-see film. It's beautifully stylized and so creative and so sweet yet sad (you could easily spend half of it making sympathetic sounds). It's a modern fairy tale! And it has Johnny Depp! (though he isn't really Johnny Depp-ing it here, if you know what I mean.)

Waitress: Not an easy film to watch, but still worth watching. The story and message were a bit complicated (and ok, disturbing), but I felt the characters and circumstances were handled in a realistic yet satisfying way. And it made me want to eat more pies.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: What can I say? Look at the films above this one - I needed some comedy, okay?

When Harry Met Sally: I'd heard about it for a long time before finally deciding to watch it. A pretty upfront romantic drama but sort of tiresome. I liked Harry a lot better than Sally, but by the end of the movie, I was tired to death of both of them. Thank goodness they finally shut up and got together.

A Room with a View: The best part was seeing Denholm Elliott, one of my favorite talented older English actors (how's that for an editing noun-string nightmare!). I wasn't terribly impressed by the story or the other characters (this isn't completely true: Maggie Smith is always perfect, and I must admit it was kind of interesting to see Daniel Day Lewis as a stuffy Englishman). Stuffy movie-watchers might enjoy, but then again, there is a scandalous skinnydipping scene.

Two Weeks' Notice: Not a great film in any way, but provided me with some much needed comic relief. Lots of Hugh Grant silliness - he's a much more believable idiot to me than Sandra Bullock.

Ponyo: Amazingly creative with almost everything you could ask for in a Hayao Miyazaki film. The plot turns out to have a lame resolution, but who cares about the plot really when you have so many cute, weird, and magical things going on?

50 First Dates: I've forgotten it already.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead: A "brainy" film with a lot of wit and weirdness, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it thoroughly. R and G are perfectly cast, and the verbal and physical interactions between them are priceless. I came off feeling entertained and inexplicably wiser.

Date Night: Meh. Fun, but nothing special. I should have waited for the library to get a copy.

Guarding Tess: Yawn. Losing faith in Nicolas Cage.

Groundhog Day: A thoughtful and humorous film with some really inspirational conclusions. Hey, that's a pretty good description.

Raising Arizona: Hee-larious. Faith in Nicolas Cage restored.

Nights in Rodanthe: I can't really explain why I liked this film; it's just a generic corny romantic comedy with middle-aged people. But I liked it anyway. Maybe it was the beach (have I told you about my love of water?). Or the storm (and you know about my love affair with storms, right?) Or Richard Gere, who is handsome. (for proof of this, see "Rhapsody in August.")

Erik the Viking: Not quite as hilarious as it could or should be (especially towards the end), but still definitely has its moments. The beginning is terrific.

Public Enemies: I was thrilled to see the trailer for this film when it first came out, and can't think why I waited so long to see it. I should have seen it in the theater. But on the other hand, seeing the DVD let me rewind and rewatch so many great parts! The life of John Dillinger is utterly fascinating (you better believe I have pictures of his exhibit in D.C.'s National Museum of Crime and Punishment), so I was only worried about the casting and direction, but both of them held up to par. I usually have a hard time with Christian Bale, but he convinced me as a dogged, confused agent. I had never heard of Marion Cotillard, but she was utterly believable. It was fun to see David Wenham (Faramir) as a gangster. And Johnny Depp was . . . (deep breath, brief, unsuccessful attempt to restrain girly gushing) PERFECT!!!!! I can TOTALLY see why America was enthralled with Dillinger.

Cast Away: I've never considered myself a Tom Hanks fan, but I think I'm starting to relent. The guy can act. And I have never looked at my volleyball the same way since.

Books:

The Poet: We had to pick different genre books to read for one of my classes, so I picked this for a thriller/mystery. It's pretty solid, but not really my thing. I liked the writing and the characters okay, but felt the plot was kinda predictable. Still, it was a good read.

Storm Front: A modern fantasy book for the more mature/geeky YA. More entertaining than the Poet. Sort of conflicted - tried to be funny and serious and dramatic and whimsical all at once. The plot kind of meanders all over the place, but at least I was never bored.

Fractured Fairy Tales: I read this little collection in one day since I needed something to do while riding the bus and walking home. Cute and clever - but read the real fairy tales first. Seriously.

Austenland: Surprisingly creative, entertaining, and believable story. I'm not really into Shannon Hale, but this caught my eye. Such an unusual premise - a modern girl goes on vacation to a strict Austen society? Never mind quibbles about characters or writing (both turned out to be satisfactory) - I HAD to know what happened.

Big Girl: My first attempt at Danielle Steel. Ugh. I was depressed and bored through the whole thing. I was so grateful to see it come to an end that I decided not to care that we never really learn what became of any of the characters. (Fun fact: I ended up titling my review for class "Big Disappointment," but my dad cracked me up by suggesting I call it "Big Hurl.")

April 2010 Media Inventory

April wasn't as big a media month as usual, what with finals and... uh, finals. But I still managed to get 3 As, 1 P (in Volleyball, for "Perfection," I assumed), and ALL OF THIS done. Aren't you impressed?

Movies:

La Bamba: I actually started this last year and never got around to finishing it. I liked it, though. The music still plays through my head occasionally - especially the "Wellhhhhhhh....." before the song actually starts.

Osama: Not a satisfactory film, but raises some unfortunately necessary questions that deserve answers. Not a good film to see if you're feeling bitter at men.

Heima: I was wary of this film since it was rumored to be a lot of music (and we all know how I feel about that after February, the jazz movie month catastrophe), but I was surprised. It was really good. The songs and the scenery were really beautiful and breathtaking at times. It was pretty long, but I probably would have appreciated it more if I hadn't been watching it along with two others in a single day.

The Kebab Connection: It was goofy, silly, funny, comical. I really can't think of anything else to say about it.

Bruce Almighty: Cleverer and more entertaining than Evan Almighty. Also naughtier.

Woman of the Year: I always enjoy Katharine Hepburn, and this role seemed to fit her especially well. The story was also nice. And the ending - so satisfying!

Funny Farm: I yawned the whole way through it. I think my own life is more exciting than this movie.

Peter and the Wolf: A very charming and enjoyable silent (well, not counting the music, which speaks volumes) film. It's like horror for kids!

Apollo 13: After hearing Captain James Lovell speak to us in a BYU forum and seeing the trailer for this movie in said forum, I knew I had to see it. I was not disappointed. What an interesting, important, scary, roller-coaster story and film!

O Brother, Where Art Thou?: I love just about everything about this movie: George Clooney, the Southern setting (and accents - hilarious!), the ridiculous humor, the nods to the Odyssey), the music, and so on.

Tom Jones: Another one of my BBC Romances, and definitely the oddest of the lot. Ay, ayayayay..... It's a thoroughly entertaining and skillfully constructed film (starring once again that lady who played Jane Eyre and Harriet Smith in the same collection), but quite scandalous. QUITE.

The Holiday: This movie is better than it deserves to be. And Jude Law is really more handsome than anyone deserves to be.

How to Train your Dragon: I saw this with Daniel and the twins in a REAL THEATER. I KNOW!!! Anyway, perhaps it's just the comfy chair and popcorn smell talking, but I liked this movie a lot. It was creative, funny, clean, exciting, and satisfying. Maybe not epic, but nobody's perfect, right?

State of Play: Russell Crowe is one of my favorite actors and Rachel McAdams is one of my favorite actresses, so I can't imagine why I wasn't particularly impressed by this movie. Maybe they distracted me.

Airplane: Hehehehehe. That's the first reaction I ever heard to the "Airplane" films, and that's the only one I'm going to give here. Except I'm also raising my eyebrow, but you can't see it.

Becket: I LOVED this movie. Fantastic story, marvellous acting, wonderful dialogue, music, scenery, etc.

The Lion in Winter: See how much I loved Becket? Enough to see this film that I had skipped over for years in the Provo Library! It wasn't quite as great as Becket but still enjoyable. It left me wanting to see more, especially of the interaction between the brothers Richard, Geoffrey, and John.

The Wind in the Willows: I never really enjoyed this film as a child, but watching it as an adult somehow makes it so much funnier and cuter.

Evil: A truly inspirational and authoritative film that speaks very powerfully and directly on issues of violence, abuse of power, and transition into adulthood. I was greatly impressed both by the performances and the message of the film. Thanks for recommending it to me, Joseph!

Spartacus: A pretty good film that rides heavily on its individual performances, which seems to work. Sometimes Kirk Douglas is too much for me, but I think he hit just about the right level of passionate sincerity and blustering heroism in this. I also liked Tony Curtis (whom I usually dislike, for some reason) in the character of Antoninus. And that Laurence Olivier makes a mean villain, for sure. And Jean Simmons is pretty. And that's about it.

Luther: Another great film, a la Becket. I loved the character of Luther and the story really is gripping and inspirational. My only complaint is that it was TOO SHORT!

The Gods must be crazy: Not a serious film in any way, but definitely one worth watching. So funny. And crazy. And cute.

The Gods must be crazy, II: A little wilder and wackier, but still sweet (and still worth it).

Theater:

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: The story is so funny, and interesting, and clever, and cute. And the actors were really great - so much energy and commitment to their delightfully weird characters! It was a Mask Club performance rather than an official BYU production, so maybe it's not "real" theater, but it was possibly the best Mask Club I've ever seen, and it's my blog, so I'm putting it down anyway. Nyah.

Books:

Fablehaven 3: I was able to enjoy the details of this book more the second time going through it. And the story is just so fascinating and creative, it makes up for almost any flaws.

Fablehaven 4: My favorite of the series after number 2. I think Brandon Mull is at his strongest writing creative, unexpected plot twists and turns, or writing about the adventures which characters have in traveling to new locations or overcoming obstacles to acquire an artifact, and this book has plenty of both types of greatness.

Fablehaven 5: Probably the most anticipated book of my year. I read through it in record speed - not even finals could prevent me! - and thoroughly enjoyed every minute, although I experienced the usual disappointment and despair after finishing it and realizing that there was no more. Still (fiercely, pointing finger emphatically), don't let that stop you from reading it!

The Sable Queane: Hooray for Brian Jacques books! Even when they aren't published around Christmastime and you just can't wait another 7 months for next Christmas to read them! I have been resigning myself for some time to the fact that Jacques' later Redwall books are becoming less original and less exciting, but this book was surprisingly different. There's actually a rather respectable villain, and a respectable hero as well (none of this barely-older-than-a-Dibbun business), and an unconventional switching of roles in several instances which I found quite enjoyable. I particularly liked the unusual change of events accompanying the climactic battle between the hero and villain - bravo, Jacques! Or should I say, Eulaliaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Done. Or perhaps not so done....

Yesterday at 9:40 pm, I finished my last final (it was for a Humanities seminar on comedy and satire, in case you were wondering) for Winter semester. Strangely, my first feeling upon finishing was not one of relief or exhaustion, but one of irritation that I could not remember the exact names of Guy Debord and Matt Groening (I put Guy Depard and Matt Goerning - think the teacher will notice?). Then after that, I shrugged and said, "Aaaah, whatever." Not exactly the equivalent of Judge Holden's exultant "never die" dance.


So, my thoughts about the semester?


First of all, I am astonished at how little writing I did this semester as compared to other semesters. Only two short papers (five pages - please), some handouts (okay, three - all of them at least two pages long - but c'mon, it's a handout), four Spanish "papers" (note that I say "papers" in an exaggerated tone accompanied by rolling eyes and fingers making fake air quotation marks), and two long papers (I stopped counting after 12 pages), both of which I have high hopes for (but I'm expecting them to be dashed as well, so I won't be disappointed, either way). Compare this to two winters ago, where I wrote two "long" papers, one "medium paper" and 12 short (3 pageish) papers for just ONE class (Oh yeah, and we did a handout as well).


Secondly, my test-taking skills have plummeted. I remember when I used to beg for more time than 3 hours to sit in the Humanities Testing Center, hoping to scrawl down at least 10 more of the 100,000 notes that I had scattered in my brain regarding a particular essay question. Last night, I was ready to leave after 15 minutes - it took an epic effort to force myself to stay for just one more question, and then two more questions, and then three, and so on until....aha! As for the McCarthy essay, by the time I had finished talking about The Orchard Keeper, Child of God, Blood Meridian, the Border trilogy, No Country for Old Men, and The Road, I couldn't even think of anything to say about The Sunset Limited or a conclusion. I vaguely recall thinking the words, "So, White kills himself and Black let him do it, cause we have agency and isn't that great? Amen," but who knows what came out on the page?


Thirdly, out of nowhere, I won second place in a writing contest this semester. Phi Kappa Phi something or other. Nice to know those frenzied hours writing that Emerson paper paid off in the form of cash and a fancy dinner, I suppose. I also have a nice certificate and a new line on my resume. How many of my other papers can say as much?


Fourthly, my dirty little secret of the semester: I never read Catch 22. But - and this is the worst part - I TOTALLY FAKED THAT I DID. Will this affect my grade? To be continued.


Fifthly, I really and thoroughly enjoyed the beginning volleyball class I took this semester. So much so that I've decided to take it again in the fall. Can I do that? Yes I can. Should I do that when other people who haven't taken it might also be trying to sign up for it? Shh.


Sixthly, I ALMOST saw every film at the International Cinema this year, and ALMOST felt a great sense of pride and accomplishment at doing so. Seriously, I was so close that I could weep. I missed only three films in the theater, and have seen one of the three so far, but I will see the other two before the year is out, SO HELP ME.


Seventhly (Hey, has anyone ever said that before?), a list of things I learned during the semester:


1. Don't procrastinate.
2. Never write on anything boring.
3. If your computer breaks and you don't have your files saved, you're screwed.
4. If you have a quiz in your first class and you forgot to study until that morning, don't stress. If you park in the Marriott Center, you have a 20 min. walk to campus during which you can study.
5. Always ask for a bag when you check out 20 or more books from the library.
6. Auditing is AWESOME.
7. Go to Devotionals - if they're interesting, great! If they're boring, you can sit in the back and read.
8. Go to Mask Clubs - they're free and they're fun. Thursdays - 1, 2, and 4 pm in the Nelke.
9. This is such a sensitive piece of information that I hesitate to reveal it to the online community at large, but having faith in the discretion and fewness of my readers, I do so: There is a vending machine in the SWKT that sells fruit snacks for 70 cents; all other vending machines sell them for 75 cents. Now you know. Use it wisely.

And now that I have a break (all the way until next Tuesday, can you believe it?!?), I'm going to spend some time putting together my school portfolios (I still have stuff from LAST WINTER lying around), preparing my McCarthy paper for "something," (My lips are sealed, but my hopes are preparing to be dashed) watching the movies I missed, practicing for an organ duet on Sunday, preparing a lesson for Sunday, and watching my big brother Daniel graduate tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention that I checked out the latest Brian Jacques book this week? Squeal!

Vexing Conversations of the Past Few Days

Scene: Perky student approaches after class.

Perky student: "So, I'm trying to come up with some ideas on how I can make my implications section stronger. I know how this is going to sound, because I'm a Writing Fellow, and I hear students tell me this all the time and I think 'Aaaargh - that is SO your job!' but could you help me....ummm.......brainstorm some implications?"

Me: "!???!?!??!?? Mmmmm - tell me how you would handle this, again...."

*********

Scene: Irritated student raises hand in the middle of a final exam review.

Irritated student: "I still don't get how we're supposed to compare Emerson and Thoreau."

Me: "Well, just know the basic similarities and differences between them based on what we read and talked about in class."

Student (pounding on the desk in frustration): "But what ARE the differences? They're too similar!"

Me: (Scrambling) "Well, what do you guys think? I mean, obviously Emerson didn't go out to live in the woods...so you might start with that. Can anyone else think of anything?"

Silence......................

Me: "Just focus on your notes - it won't be a big deal as long as you know what we've talked about. The main focus should be on telling the difference between them. So, moving on..."

Student: (tearing out chunks of hair, shrill scream) "I DON'T GET IT! Why can't you at least give us some bullet points to cover the general concepts!?!!!!?"

Me: (In an undiscernable whisper) "Because, um, that would be chea.......ting....." (Louder) "I'm not prepared to discuss them in depth right now, but we can talk later, and I really suggest you review your notes and the reading to see how they're different."

Student: (Hurls book at the wall, mutters a stream of curses in foreign languages under her breath, and settles down with a scowl for the rest of the review...)

***********

Scene: Someone in our family tells me that someone is on the phone for me. I pick up the phone.

Me: "Hello?"

Girl: "Um, hello?"

Me: "Yeah, it's Ruth. Are you calling about visiting teaching?" (Clarification - 98% of phone calls which I receive are about visiting teaching)

Girl: "No, not this time."

Me: "Ok."

Pause.........

Silence.........

Now entering threshold of awkwardness..........

Me: "So, what's up?"

Girl: "I'm calling to see if you can do X on Saturday."

Me: "Oh, sorry. I have other plans then - writing papers and all that."

Silence...............

ENHANCED AWKWARDNESS...............

Me: "Hello?"

Girl: "Okay."

Me: "Okay?"

Silence................

AWKWARDNESS LEVEL VERY HIGH - WARNING: HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER/ANGER/PANIC AHEAD!!!!

Me: "Well, goodbye then."

Girl: "Okay. Bye."

************

Scene: I'm writing a paper in the dining room. The doorbell rings. Nobody answers it. Finally, I get up and run over, opening it to find three youngish Hispanic kids.

Kid #1: "Oh, hey! Peekaboo!"

Me: "Um, hey...."

Kid #1: (talking to the others) "So, anyway, this is where he lives. I found his house."

Me: (Annoyed) "What do you guys want?"

Kid #1: "Are you Daniel's mother?"

Me: (Furious/Baffled/Shocked)SPLUMGHTTTPHPHHTHHnoI'mnothowdareyouthat'sitIamslammingthisdoorrightnowandgettingbacktomypaperdidhereallythinkthatIlooklikeDaniel'smotherwhenI'mhisYOUNGERsisterbyTWOYEARSandhowmuchtroublewillIgetintoifIpunchthiskidinthechinashardasIcan???!???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????

Kid #1: (Approximately 0.5 seconds later) "Or his sister?"

Me: (Struggling to keep clenched fists by side)

Me: (Through gritted teeth) "How do you know Daniel?"

Kid #1: "I'm his mentor!" (Note: Daniel is actually Kid #1's mentor. The fact that Kid #1 is apparently not very bright makes me feel about 0.0985% better)

Me: (Spat) "Obviously."

(At this moment, fortunately for more than one person, Daniel comes downstairs)

I dunno, folks. With conversations like these, I've definitely been feeling the urge to practice my "Eyes of Hate" glare once more.