What Not to Say to a Southern Girl, by a Southern Girl

Here are some things not to say to a Southern Girl...

1) You're not a Southern Girl.

Ah, thank you. Good to know that my being born in Alabama and growing up until thirteen in Georgia mean nothing when it comes to forming and shaping my experiences that created my personal and cultural identity. Please continue to tell me more things that I am not (feminine, Mormon, creative, dog-and-cat-lover) that I mistakenly presumed I was during those first thirteen years of my life.

2) As soon as you've lived here more years than you have in Georgia, you'll become a Utahn.

I hated Utah when my family moved here in 2001. Even now, after twelve years, I struggle at times to cope with its climate and culture, and look forward with joy to every trip to the South, which always feels like coming home in addition to seeing and feeling the greenery and humidity that I've come to love. Telling me that I will turn into a Utahn on some magical date is like telling a transplanted potato it will turn into a tomato. It doesn't matter where I go or how many years I live in other places - for me my childhood defines how I think of my identity, and I will always think of myself first and foremost as being a Southern Girl, born and raised in the South.

3) You don't know what it means to be Southern.

I am well aware that I am not the average, typical Southerner, but I wish people would not insist that my personal experience counts for nothing in a discussion of what it means to be Southern. There are many aspects of Utah that I can understand and identify with without calling myself a Utahn. Similarly, there are many aspects of the South that I do not identify with, while still calling myself a Southerner. My ties to the South are deep and personal, and while I don't expect other people to share or understand them, I would hope that they could respect and appreciate them as being valid and true. The South is a very diverse, complicated, and controversial place - there are as many different types of Southerners as there are people who live in the South. No one wants to be lumped into a bunch of stereotypical views about a group; I don't appreciate it as an American (Ah, you're greedy and fat and you want to rule the world?), a Mormon (Oh, so you practice polygamy and can't eat meat?), a Caucausian female (Take it away, 30 Rock), a home-schooler (Oh, so you never saw another person of your own age before?), or a BYU student (You're all such self-righteous Bible-thumpers!), and I don't appreciate it as a Southerner.

4) Why on earth would you want your kids to be Southern?

Again, presuming you know me so perfectly and what I mean in identifying myself as "Southern," I expect you already know the answer to this question. But supposing you were asking this question sincerely (take out the judgmental appalled tone and the "on earth"), I would reply that it's because it has been a great blessing in my life to think of myself as a Southern Girl. It's given me an identity and a home, something to love and care about and be curious about and learn about. I want my children to feel a deep connection to the land, the trees, the water, and the animals in the same way that I did playing imaginative games outside in the woods every day in my parents' four-acre property. I want them to have fond memories of working in the garden, taking care of their pets, watching and being fascinated by thunderstorms, lightning storms, and rainstorms, taking long walks in the countryside, and camping out under the stars while they listen to the crickets at night. I can still remember sitting on a swing outdoors all alone as a child and swinging silently in the evening, looking at the stars and hearing the crickets and feeling an overwhelming sense of strength, love, and beauty around me that connected me to a Heavenly Father above who loved me and wanted me to be happy. These are the kind of memories I want my children to have, and if they are happening to children here where I'm living now, I don't see it. I see a lot of kids who stay indoors all day, playing video games, texting, and watching T.V., or going to the mall and wasting time and money on fleeting trends and pastimes. My experience with nature and my childhood are all wrapped up with the Southern climate and atmosphere, and my love for water, trees, and green can ultimately be traced to this too.

5) You don't know the real South.

Condescension and arrogance aside, I'll gladly admit to this, seeing as how my personal experience of the South is so small and particular to me that I am well aware there is far more to the South than I could possibly have experienced and come to terms with in my short lifetime. Frankly, I don't think I'll ever know what "the real South" is. I've taken college classes on the Civil War Era, Slavery in the United States, and the American South. I've read - mostly for fun - William Faulkner, Flannery O'Connor, Frederick Douglass, Booker T. Washington, W. E. B. DuBois, Mark Twain, Harper Lee, Tennessee Williams, Zora Neale Hurston, Toni Morrison, Mildred Taylor (possibly my favorite series of books about life in the South so far), Uncle Tom's Cabin, Gone with the Wind, and The Help. I'm writing my master's thesis on Cormac McCarthy, a Southern writer transplanted to the west (who, by the way, does an absolutely amazing and brilliant job in writing truthfully and profoundly about both Southern and Western ideology, culture, and history). I have a stack of other writers and books to read when or if I ever get the chance. I absolutely know that I have a lot to learn about the South, but I am doing my best to learn at my own pace, and more importantly, I love those opportunities that I get to learn more about the past experiences that shaped my heritage and land. Studying the South and recognizing the political, cultural, and personal differences between various Southerners and myself does not alter my conception of myself as a Southerner. I've done the same with American and Mormon history, to an extent, with the same conclusions. I am not the same kind of Mormon as Eliza R. Snow and Brigham Young; this is obvious. I am not the same kind of Southerner as Scarlett O'Hara and Robert E. Lee; how could I be? Ultimately I would counter to #5 by saying "You don't know the real me," a statement which I can say for sure is true of everybody except for Heavenly Father (and to a certain extent, my beloved husband, to whom I've shown more of myself than I would ever dare to anyone else in the world).

Thinking about these questions has given me an additional insight about #4, which is that you cannot ultimately choose where your children decide to be "from." I may do my best to raise my children as completely devoted Southerners and they may turn out to be bleeding-heart New York liberals (I'll still love you guys, though). It is a unique and personal choice to determine the meaning of your cultural and personal identity and to deny a child that freedom would be to deny them of their free agency. I do not think my parents intended to raise me or any of their children as Southerners (in fact, as of late I'm rather strongly convinced of the opposite), but at one point or another, it wasn't their decision any more. In fact, I'm pretty sure I came to identify more strongly with the South (and, fittingly, the sense of "loss" and an nonexistent or overly romanticized idyllic past) after I moved from Georgia. However it happened, my childhood experiences in the South continue to be a defining and crucial part of my identity today, and I am very grateful and proud today to call myself a Southern Girl, born and raised.

July 2013 Media Inventory

Movies:

Man of Steel: This was actually the first Superman movie I'd ever seen, and I enjoyed it a lot, perhaps thanks to a good 3 years of prepping from Matthew about the awesomeness that is Superman. But really the movie had me at "Russell Crowe."

Little Dorrit: Another quaint, fascinating, and delightful match between Dickens and Andrew Davies. I was especially fond of poor John, who deserved better.

The Fellowship of the Ring: After watching The Hobbit last month, we were very revved up to see this film. You can never go wrong with the Shire.

Zoolander: Whenever I want to be cheered up and feel smart, I watch Owen Wilson acting goofy and hilarious. Mission accomplished.

Chronicle: Interesting film with a good story and surprisingly strong characters. I didn't care much for the "filming myself" documentary style, but everything else was impressive.

The Two Towers: Yes, yes, yes. More, more, more.

A Town Called Panic: Such a cute, funny, and delightfully illogical/crazy French film. I watched this at the International Cinema and was thoroughly amused.

Anna Karenina (with Keira Knightley): I had fun revisiting the look, themes, and characters from one of my favorite novels and actually thought the acting was pretty decent. The film came nowhere near to capturing the depth, passion, emotion, and spirit of the characters which I discovered in reading the novel, but I didn't really expect it to, so I wasn't disappointed. The whole filming it like a play was also kind of weird for me. I think I might have liked it for a different movie, but I don't think I liked it for this one.

Front of the Class: Terrific and tear-jerking (in the good way) film about a man who grew up with Tourette's Syndrome but with a lot of strength and determination refused to it stop him from becoming a teacher, finding love, and becoming a positive role model. Almost it persuadeth me to allow my children to go to public school.

Penelope: Cute, run of the mill chick flick. I do think I could pull off a "Penelope" Halloween costume one of these years.

Miss Potter: Apparently I was in the mood to cry my eyes out, because that's exactly what I did for about 1/3 of this film.

Tootsie: This not quite comedy/not quite drama reminded me of the good parts of Some Like It Hot mixed with the ordinary, down-to-earth reality of The Apartment. The serious bits were funny and the funny bits were awkwardly serious.

The Internship: Saw this on a whim with Matthew at the dollar theater. While I greatly enjoyed moments that included Owen Wilson being hilarious,  a game of Quidditch amongst Google interns, and the scenes set in an environment of Googly colorful excitement, overall the film seemed too flat, shallow, and immature to leave me with a positive impression.

The Social Network: Sharp, cynical, and intriguing film. I have no idea how much if any of it is true, but it does make for a riveting and somewhat disturbing story about our obsessions with fame, money, status, etc.

Silver Linings Playbook: I don't care much for Bradley Cooper, but LOVE Jennifer Lawrence, so naturally I like this film. I also identify pretty strongly with her during the dancing scenes (finally, a movie about REAL people dancing!)

The Host: I've tried to read the book twice, but lost interest both times. The movie was a bit more interesting than the book (or maybe it was just shorter and I was able to finish it before losing interest), but still nowhere near as riveting and exciting as I thought it should or could be. I'm not sure what was missing for me, but something was.
 
The Mighty Macs: This was a sweet and cute film about Catholic girls and their basketball coach teaching them how to become a team. I should probably just admit right now I'm a sucker for the inspirational sports movies - they get me excited and teary almost every time.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: The more I watch this film the more I fall in love with its sense of humor and sarcastic, playful, flirtatious personality. The action, romance, and overall chemistry in this film is just fantastic - I can't even judge it fairly because I like it so much.

Miss Congeniality: Another cute movie about clever and funny people getting together and being awesome. Not as outrageously dramatic and smooth as Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but still adorable and fun.

The Man in the Moon: What WAS it with me and tearjerker movies this month? This is one of my favorite performances by one of my favorite actresses, Reese Witherspoon. The acting and characters are so deep and real that it almost doesn't matter that the story is a little underdeveloped/unfinished-feeling. Also, I love the South.

Zero Dark Thirty: There were some powerful and disturbing moments in this film, but the story did not stand out to me as particularly profound or purposeful in delivering a coherent message. It just sort of threw a lot at you and expected you to make sense of it. I was also extremely irritated by the loooooong shots of darkness during the climax. Overall, I think "Argo" was the better film.

Books:

I'll Scream Later: The autobiography of Marlee Matlin, a famous Deaf actress. Enjoyable and well-written, but also sort of sad. I am more than ever convinced that avoiding drugs is a wise decision.

The Book of Lost Things: A fairytale that is subtly mature and thought-provoking (and also somewhat frightening). I enjoyed it very much.

The "Seth" Saga, Part 2: I enjoyed this story written for me by my brother Daniel. Very reminiscent of our days fighting and escaping from bad guys in our make-believe world.

Urchin of the Riding Stars: Cute adventurous tale about talking animals, similar to Brian Jacques in its themes and tone (though I would argue it doesn't equal his brilliance in character development, writing, or plot).

Gone Girl: Intriguing and well-written book - the characters are almost disturbingly detailed and lifelike (you relate to them, and then feel horrified at yourself for doing so). One of the few books that actually deserves the "Well I never saw THAT coming" compliment in my opinion, maybe even more than once. I was afraid it would take me a long time to read since it was 400 pages, but once I got about 50 pages in, I blew through the rest in two days. I was slightly put off by the ending, which felt weak and anticlimactic, but the rest of the book was enthralling.