I don’t post on this blog very much anymore. You may think
that I have nothing to say. THIS IS SOOOO NOT THE CASE. Every Sunday I write an
average of four pages in my journal. I wrote long, detailed, weekly letters to my
three siblings who served missions for the entire length of their missions. I
am a writer. When I get frustrated with circumstances or people, I want to
write about it. Unfortunately, a lot of my frustration and emotion comes
through in my writing, and I worry that if I get too specific in writing about
my life on my blog, certain people close to me will read it and be offended. I
could maybe solve this by making my blog private, but probably not, since a lot
of the people and situations that affect me most deeply are also private.
Since marrying Matthew, I have had an outlet for my
frustration besides writing. I can talk to him about anything and everything,
anyone and everyone. I can cry in his arms, gossip to him about each and every
one of our family members and friends, and say ridiculous, stupid, or
embarrassing things to him that I would die if anyone else heard me say.
Neither Matthew nor I are the outgoing, social personality types; we don’t like
to go out a lot or attend a lot of social events. We stay home most nights, reading,watching movies, and giving each other back scratches. And we love it. Mostly. I do get a little lonely sometimes, and jealous of people who have cute babies to keep them busy, and now and then I get the urge to do something crazy, like go to the beach RIGHT NOW, or move to another state, or take some dancing
lessons with Matthew (still might do that one).
But mostly, it’s me, Matthew, and my thoughts. For all the
public displays of affection that Matthew and I gained a reputation for during
our courtship, we are a fairly private couple these days. We don’t have a lot
of couple friends (we did get close enough to two couples to invite them over
for dinner at our apartment, but then our ward boundaries and callings changed
and we never see these couples anymore). We don’t spend a lot of time at our
parents’ houses, and when we’re there, I feel like a visitor, like I don’t
really belong and can’t really open up. I used to talk every day with my
siblings and parents, but I don’t share a lot of my thoughts with other people
anymore. Perhaps I am afraid that they will judge me or misunderstand my
feelings. Perhaps I like having secrets. Perhaps I don’t want other people to
know who I really am and what I really think about. I am not really sure.
I still love to write. I still have interesting things to
say. I just find it hard sometimes to modify the content of my mind into
something suitable for a blog post that other people can read without becoming
offended or invading my privacy. I usually try to keep my blog posts funny, newsy,
and full of pictures and stories. But I know that the “Ruth” of the blog is
different from the Ruth in my journal. And the Ruth in my journal is more
interesting to me. So that’s why I haven’t been posting very much.
Now, here are some blog-Ruth thoughts:
1) We had a water leak under our kitchen sink this
week. It was the first real problem we’ve had with our apartment since moving
in. Fortunately, Matthew was home and able to detect the problem before it
flooded everything, and a plumber fixed it within the day. Even more fortunately,
I was at BYU teaching my Humanities class during the worst of it, and brought
home free dinner on paper plates from a Graduate Student Society BBQ. No
dishes!
2) For the first time ever, this semester I am taking
Intermediate Volleyball. And . . . I
LOVE IT. I started out trying to take a beginning class, but it was just so
terrible that I switched immediately to another section, which also turned out
to be terrible. The teacher made us spend thirty minutes just passing the ball—I
was bored to tears. Even worse, everyone I partnered up with had trouble just
hitting the ball, so we spent more time chasing it than passing it. In
Intermediate Volleyball, we still haven’t played a ton of real games, but our
drills are challenging and interesting, and everyone is actually good enough that
you wouldn’t mind having them on your team. I felt a little intimidated on my first day (it didn’t help that there’s a guy in the class who is the spitting image of Cato from The Hunger Games), but once I realized I wasn’t too far behind the good players, and that I definitely wasn’t the worst one in the class, I
settled in just fine. I still can’t do a jump serve, but neither can 75% of the
class. I still get annoyed at the boys who hog the ball and the bossy girl who
screams, “TALK TO EACH OTHER!” when somebody goes after a ball in my area and
misses it completely, but I love the moments when someone congratulates me on a
good set or serve, and I like knowing that I am good enough to be an
intermediate player.
3) I’m a little—okay, more than a little—obsessed
with X-Men. Matthew showed me some episodes from the cartoon version, I checked
out some of the movies (couldn’t finish the one where Cyclops died, because,
HELLOOOOOO—I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED), we played a pretty cool
card game, and—ta da! I was hooked. Especially with the whole Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine
thing. James Marsden is just a funny, all right-looking guy in every other
movie I’ve seen him in, but in “X-Men,” WHOOOOOOO-BOY. It’s kind of a sudden
development. Before last week, I would have chosen Hugh Jackman any day in any
role over any one (except Russell Crowe, my true and living favorite actor);
but now I’m all like, “Wolverine who?” I’ve already begged Matthew to dress up
as Cyclops for Halloween so I could be Jean Grey (haven’t figured out how to do
the red hair thing or the red glasses yet, but I’ve still got a month). And I
know more about superheroes now probably than my entire family (this may not
last when Edward grows up . . . we’ll just have to wait and see, I guess). I
think I can safely assure you all right now that our kids will be “Big Bang
Theory”-type nerds.
4) Books/movies that I highly recommend/want to
read: Ready Player One by Ernest
Cline. I finished it in less than a week, and was riveted the entire way
through. It’s basically a story about competing with the world to win a
computer game and a lot of money, but it’s so intriguing. And oddly believable.
And just plain fun. Unwholly by Neal
Shusterman. I LOVED the first book in this series, Unwind, so much that I
just now decided I’m going to read it again (I have a copy at my parents’
house). It’s a scary, fascinating, futuristic novel that asks some really
bizarre questions. I couldn’t put it down. Bliss:
Matthew and I saw this movie at the International Cinema last week. Even though
it was 9:30 and I had to practically drag Matthew out of the house (did I
mention before how we like to just stay at home every evening?), we both agreed
it was a phenomenal movie well worth the late-night trip. It’s about a girl who
is sentenced to death because she has brought her family dishonor, but through
the course of the movie the family member assigned to kill her has to grapple
with his growing feelings that she is innocent. It’s the best foreign movie I
can remember seeing in a long time.
