What I Learned as a Grad Student, Semester 1

Here it is, folks! That list of all-important things I learned during my first year as a graduate student. Learn from me, and you will be totally prepared should you ever find yourself in my footsteps.

1. As a graduate student, you can work 30 hours. This is helpful to know before you are given a warning by the secretary of the department of one of your jobs and before you compose and send a lengthy e-mail requesting an extension to both departments.

2. If you have two jobs for the first time on campus, you may find it difficult to record your hours. This may be because you were not granted online access for nearly a month and thus had to stay on campus to punch out even if you are doing some of your work off-campus. It may also be because the entire campus system of Kronos was overthrown in the middle of the semester and you had to figure out the retard--um, the new system, Y-Time.

3. If the semester feels vaguely familiar to you, it might be because you are TA-ing the exact same class by the exact same professor in the exact same room in the exact same building.

4. If the semester feels vaguely different to you, it might be because your professor has slightly altered the class so that almost none of your lesson plans for last year's discussion sections apply.

5. It may also be because the rooms where you teach have computers and projectors in them!

6. When both of your graduate-level classes meet in the same room, it may be nice to come up with a way to make sure you always know which class you're in. Say, by sitting on the other side of the table.

7. It's a great idea to bring your computer to class to take notes! Just make sure that you 1) sit at an angle so no one can see what you're typing, 2) turn off the sound before packing the computer so that you don't disrupt class when your computer starts, 3) arrive to class early so that your computer will finish the lengthy 'turning on'  process before class is over,  4) get used to holding books open with one hand so you can read while you're walking to and from school, and 5) don't accidentally leave your computer in the humanities department's lunchroom when you go there to pick up some free food.

8. Remember how you used to worship the syllabus as a undergraduate, reading it and underlining its various passages, due dates, and assignments? Well, forget all that. After the first week or two, the syllabus will start to become obsolete. At first this will be subtle, like when your professor talks about the wrong book on the wrong day, or when you take an entire class period off to discuss how annoying it is to grade undergraduate writing. This transformation will become complete by the end of the semester, when every due date is pushed back, certain requirements are forgotten about altogether ("Final? We're having a final? Since when?"), and paper guidelines become a source of comedy ("It says here the main difference between the short and long papers is that we're supposed to write about more than one film in the long paper! Did you ever hear anything so absurd!?!?").

9. If you decide to follow the advice you were given at the beginning of the semester and begin working on plans/ideas/committees for your thesis right away, good for you! If you become overwhelmed the next week by all the reading and writing you are expected to do and thus forget entirely about your thesis, well, better luck next semester, when you will be forced to come up with a thesis topic or be kicked out of the program!

10. Free food for graduates! What a wonderful idea! The only thing I can think of to improve the graduate dinners we attended would be to offer adult-sized servings as well as children-sized.

11. Interlibrary loans of articles for graduates! What a wonderful idea! Now if there was only some way to know what articles and books you were going to need to research the topic you were going to write on in the semester before you were taking the class.

12. Remember how the last day of class used to be emotional and everyone would want to stay afterwards and say nice things about the class and the professor and promise to get together and take other classes together and then there would be a round of applause and each student would take a chocolate-covered donut or something on the way out? Yeah, me neither. Which brings me to

13. Don't be the last one out of the classroom on the last day of class. You'll be forced to say nice things about the class and the professor and promise to try to take more classes with the same people and maybe even find yourself committing to drop by and discuss "the thesis."

14. The hierarchy of knowledge, experience, and power goes 1) single grad students, 2) married grad students, 3) married grad students with babies, 4) married professors with children of any age, and 5) single, cranky, typically old professors.

Allow me to explain further: No. 1s tend to be fiercely independent or nonchalant regarding their unproved status, and often create bonds of friendship with no. 4s and 5s to elevate their levels of influence and secondhand experience. No. 1s also generally have the most knowledge of obscure topics in popular culture, such as what band did what song in what year, and what film references what saying by what crazy rock star.

While no. 2s tend to be the most optimistic, they must remember that they know nothing of hardship or trial compared to the no. 3s, because they've never given birth or been woken up in the middle of the night by a crying baby.

The majority of no. 3s are quite practical and keep the class on focus with questions like "How is this going to help me get a job?" and "Could we cover this topic before I have to leave class to pick up my daughter?" There are a few exceptional no. 3s, who try to maintain the cool nonchalance of the no. 1 while courting the admiration of the no. 2s by showing off countless pictures and anecdotes of their alleged children. Note that these no. 3s tend to drink a lot of soda and always always always bring a laptop to class.

I will save my notes on no. 4s and 5s for a later time, since this is already becoming quite the sidetrack.

15. You CAN write 50 pages in a week. I never said it would be easy. I never said it would be worth it. But even so, it's nice to know.

16. On some days, your hair will look like THIS. I have prepared a handy top five list of excuses:

5. "I just went to the gym." More convincing if you happen to be wearing an exercise shirt at the time.

4. "I think I'm coming down with something." Said in your best hoarse voice.

3. "We don't have a mirror in our apartment and I lost my comb." Works well if said in a desperate, quivering voice, accompanied nearly by tears.

2. "Eh, I'm already married." Sure to inspire wonder or hope in single students, create instant camaraderie with married students, and stir up jealousy from socially awkward or weird strangers who have the nerve to question you about your looks.

1. "I'm a graduate student." This classic can be played in several ways: There's the emotionless voice coupled with the distant, distracted gaze; the maniacal laugh and crazy-glint-in-eye combination; the cool shrug of the shoulders and careless tossing of hair; and my favorite, the sorrowful, depressed confession accompanied by heavy sobs indicating that you have only just now realized the sacrifices entailed by your life.

Merry Christmas break, everyone! And good luck on your thesis!

Our Year in Pictures

January

Edward likes me more than Santa!

February

Engaged!

 March

Editing internship

 April

In love

Academic conference in Texas

May

Married on May 28, 2011 :)

 June

Road trip to St. George for Matthew's cousin's wedding

 July

 

Short hair!

August

Enjoying the break

 September

Anniversary of our first date :)

 October

Pretending to be doctors

November

Thankful for us

 December

Merry Christmas!

 

It's beginning to look a little like Christmas

What with our being poor college students and our having our parents' homes already quite lavishly decorated for our enjoyment, I figured we would not have much of Christmas cheer around our little apartment. However, that was before Matthew brought home this:

O Christmas Treetop

Though he claimed to have stolen this cute two-foot catch from his parents' house, it actually was discovered to belong to him (or his old bedroom, anyway), and we combined a few of our own personal ornaments to decorate it. You can't tell from the picture but it has colored lights on it too.

But this was just the beginning. Our barren kitchen-door window was a source of much sadness to us over the fall. Fortunately, my amazing husband once again knew the cure!

I'm Dreaming of a White (Blue?) Christmas

I will modestly refrain from telling you which two (hint, hint) I contributed to the cause; they turned out rather nicely though, for which I am glad since I was watching Stardust at the same time.

The newest addition in our efforts to Christmastize our apartment arrived yesterday, courtesy of a shopping trip to an outlet store in search of good deals.

Little Baby Jesus

Believe it or not, we got this cute little nativity set absolutely for free! (With any purchase) And I love it already, though we probably need to find a better place for it than its current situation.

The next thing we need to do is figure out how we can recreate this fireplace and Christmas living room scene, which we visited while walking through the Riverwoods outdoor lights display a few weeks ago.

 

Isn't it absolutely the cutest, Christmasy-est thing ever!?!?

Let me tell you some more about that friendly red lamp that those people are clustered around in the last picture. First of all, there are many of these lamps around the outdoor light display. Secondly, they emit heat. Thirdly, I am in love with them and I want one in our bedroom. How about it, Santa? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?

Also last week, my husband was overcome with an urgent need to make snickerdoodle cookies, so it's also beginning to smell like Christmas. Or at least, like cinnamon and sugar. Eh, close enough.
 

We have five more stacks of these waiting to be eaten or given away. "Serves four" (direct quote from recipe) my eye!

Five Things I'm Thankful for Today...

Matthew and I, one year ago

Wow! I really need to write in my blog more. If there is anybody out there checking this regularly, I apologize. Whilst perusing my endless list of email drafts, I came across an interesting log I used to keep sporadically called "Five Things I'm Thankful for Today." Here are a few entries from last year that I thought I'd share (with my updated comments and clarifications in parentheses):

October 13, 20101. I didn't sleep in and got to work out with my Matty. He also kissed and teased me in the weight room, no less!
2. Some guys in the racquetball court were SUPER impressed by my flexibility - they were stopping their game just to stare... Not so sure that's a good thing, but it did make me feel pretty awesome.
3. I looked up BYU's grad school program and thankfully, they have a late deadline. March 1st!
4. I get a shot at the editing internship for the Church tomorrow!
5. I got to spend FHE with my wonderful boyfriend and I'm going to tell him tonight for the first "official" time that I love him. He deserves it after our amazing Saturday together.

November 3, 2010

1. I got through the Cosmic Yang leg day weight-lifting routine - BOOYAH! - for the first time in MONTHS. And this despite getting a late start at the gym due to some shenanigans going on with Matt having to chase a bus down for his brother to catch.

2. Matt texted me the sweetest thing yesterday about how he noticed all the guys at the gym eyeing me and that's why he would interrupt my workouts to give me a hug (and mark me as his property). Today, even though I had a nosebleed and felt quite ugly and exhausted afterwards, he made me feel pretty by telling me my exercising in the weight room was very attractive. Awwwww.

3. My history professor and I exchanged some friendly emails about the slavery class. He gave me a review sheet and said he'd love to have me write an evaluation of the class at the end of the semester. I love his classes so much, so I don't mind that it won't be anonymous.

4. Mom picked me up at the bus stop when I was feeling too tired to walk home.

5. Matt and I are seeing "The Scarlet Pimpernel" tonight at the Hale theater. I'm super-duper excited.

 

November 8, 2010

1. School finished early - my professor wasn't there and I didn't have to worry about the paper cuz we just watched a movie in class.

2. I ate a pizza bagel and my favorite kind of yogurt for lunch :)

3. Matthew and I worked out in the morning :)

4. Matthew got a 98 on his math test. He is smart!!!!

5. It rained today. That's not always a nice thing, but I enjoyed walking around, smelling the fall air and feeling the wetness and wearing my cool blue jacket.

November 30, 20101. My classmate and I got our book (for a class on editing, we had to put together a small book) printed! There was almost trouble when our cover was too big, but somehow it magically fixed itself.
2. I love looking at the picture of Matt and me on my phone. I'll probably get to kiss him goodnight tonight.
3. My fellow Americana editor says Americana (the American Studies student journal) is ready to be printed. AT LAST.
4. Matthew and I are going swimming tomorrow. I love swimming!
5. Finally got on a good volleyball team for once in my volleyball class - hooray for being on a team with guys who are tall and can pass the ball (no, I didn't mean for that to rhyme).

Pretty cool way of documenting my life as well as my blessings. Also, I am feeling the urge to go to the gym again - apparently I did that a lot more when Matthew and I were just dating, ha ha!

Once Upon A Time...

It's been over a whole year since Matthew and I got together, and I have been in a romantic mood lately (watched Jane Eyre over the weekend.... plus fall just seems like such a romantic time to me, for some reason). So I decided to re-post my story of how Matthew and I got together:

Matthew and I met in the singles ward in the summer of 2010. I had been going to the ward for five years and he had just started coming in May after returning to Orem after serving a two-year mission in Birmingham, England. He has a beautiful tenor voice and we had recently lost our choir director (she got married that spring) so it wasn't too long before he was called to be our new choir director. I was the ward organist and the "unofficial" choir pianist at the time; I preferred playing the piano to singing, and was more available for after-church activities than some of the more capable pianists in the ward. I also thought choir might also be a fun way to make friends and practice my flirting skills to use on cute guys in my classes at BYU.

I liked Matthew, of course. Everyone liked him. He was so cheerful, enthusiastic, humble, and easy-going. He was always patient with the choir (and with the dazzlingly beautiful though rather clumsy pianist) and very diligent in his calling. He seemed a little less proficient than our previous director when it came to musical knowledge, however, and when I found out he couldn't play the piano or read music specifically, I offered to go over some songs with him so he could get the conducting down. Though he insists that I must have been trying to tell him I liked him at this point, I was actually interested in two other guys at the time and only thought of Matt as a nice guy who I'd like to be friends with and get to know a little better.

It took until September for someone to make the next move, which Matthew did when he asked me for my phone number so he could contact me about getting together for that, um, music business-related thingy. I was surprised and excited that he was returning my gesture of friendship, especially when I noticed his hand shaking (he, of course, claims not to remember any such thing) as he wrote down my number.

Things got steadily better and better. Matt started things off by sending me a few texts over the week. Once I figured out how to text (believe it or not, I had probably sent fewer than ten texts in my life before meeting Matt, and had only needed to re-charge my phone maybe once a month. I really couldn't believe that I was turning into one of those people who kept their phones turned on and at their side all day!), I began to text him back regularly. We chatted about school, church, and work, but neither one of us made a move to advance the friendship further. I was becoming more and more interested in him, though. I knew he was funny and interesting and nice, and I decided that I would definitely go out with him if he asked. But would he ask? And if we did go out, what then?

Well, I didn't have to wait long to find out. After texting him about needing a break from endless amounts of schoolwork one evening, I was surprised when Matt offered to take me out to a movie the next night. Being a fan of movies and cute guys, I said yes without hesitation, and so we went to see "Knight and Day" at the dollar theater. I was nervous the whole day before, because I had made a rather impulsive decision that if we seemed to have chemistry and to be getting along well (in the brief time that we would have, consisting of the drive to the theater and the time we would spend ordering and eating ice cream beforehand), I was going to ask him to hold my hand.

I know what you're thinking (Probably something like this: RUTH, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?!??!? ASKING A GUY TO HOLD HANDS ON THE FIRST DATE!!!!???? ARE YOU INSANE!!!!????!?!?!?). I was pretty nervous about it myself, but being the reckless whirlwind of romantic chaos I am, I ultimately decided to throw caution to the winds. I really don't know why I became fixated on the idea of asking him to hold hands. I had never kissed or held hands with a guy before in my life, but my usual wariness seemed for some reason to not apply in this instance. I just knew that I was going to do it if it felt right.

Matthew came to pick me up for our date, and my first thought upon seeing him was that of pleasant satisfaction when I realized that he was actually taller and more muscular-looking than I had remembered. He had such an adorable smile and was very gentlemanly in opening my door and complimenting my appearance. Maybe I was already twitterpated by that point, but I thought the date was going exceptionally well before we had even arrived at the theater!

We had no trouble at all talking to each other, and I became more and more confident as we devoured our ice cream and the moment of truth approached. Finally, when we were seated in the theater, about half-way through the movie (at a slow part, obviously), after a series of unsuccessful attempts to force him to notice my available hand next to his, I took a deep breath, leaned over, and asked him if he wanted to hold hands. Probably the scariest thing I've ever done in my life.

He thought about it for maybe two seconds and then shrugged and said, "Sure."
Well, I'll just say that neither one of us was able to think much about the movie after that. Except that it was the BEST. MOVIE. EVER.

The very next day, Matt and I attended a ward activity that involved riding the ski lift at Sundance. We got on a lift alone and spent the whole night talking to each other (and holding hands - hey, it was cold and I had conveniently forgotten my gloves, ha ha ha). When we got back to the rest of our group, neither one of us let go, and it dawned on me at that point that we were really dating.
Somehow the weekend just kept getting better and better. We got together on Saturday to go to the gym (both of us had been going alone, but liked having the motivation of another person), and then spent Sunday together as well at church. We texted each other throughout the week and planned to get together whenever we could in the evenings to take walks, play games, watch movies, and just talk. Eventually Matthew changed his Facebook status to say that we were in a relationship and told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Of course, I said yes.

After only a few weeks of dating, Matthew told me he loved me. I was a little unsure about how I felt towards him. I worried about his schooling and our financial situation as well as how a relationship would affect my own circumstances (I was just about to graduate and was considering moving out of state for good for graduate school), but I knew I liked him and that I was happier than I had ever been and that I wanted to keep dating him for the next day, and the next week, and the next month, and so on. Then one weekend, we had an eventful experience together which involved riding bikes up the Provo Canyon and nearly wasting an hour trying to crack my broken bike lock before giving up and calling Matthew's brother to come up and cut it for us. I was cold, tired, and rather stressed out during the ordeal, but Matt was calm and reassuring. I was so impressed by his thoughtfulness and attentiveness to me that I decided to tell him the next day that I loved him. After I made up my mind that I loved him, my worries seemed to settle down. Things began to fall into place, and I realized that we could make anything work if we put our minds to it.

Matthew, of course, was way ahead of me when it came to thinking about marriage. He had told me early on that he wouldn't want us to wait a long time before getting married, and I had hesitantly agreed to consider a wedding at the end of 2011 (after he rejected the idea of getting married after he got a bachelor's degree and I finished grad school. Ha ha ha). However, as we spent more and more time together and our feelings for each other became stronger, I soon changed my mind and agreed that I wanted us to get married as soon as we could. Pretty soon, we had moved the wedding from December to August, then from August to July, then finally from July to May 28 (which will be five days after the 8-month anniversary of our first date, September 23).

He proposed in February (back when we were still planning an August wedding) in a very cute way: He drove up to my house (which I rent with four other girls in Sandy) on a Wednesday night, took me out to dinner at the Outback Steakhouse, and then, as we sat in my car, showed me his version of our favorite dates (a sample includes going to the gym, going to the temple, seeing the Scarlet Pimpernel at the Hale Theater, riding the Sundance ski lift ride, going to Wendy's, etc.) which he had recorded in his mission journal. He had also cut and pasted pictures of us in the journal. It was so sweet. After I read it, he got out of the car and knelt down in the snow and pulled out the ring. It was a very quiet and special moment for the two of us.

Of course, things got hectic quickly when we announced the news to our families, and then subsequently announced that we were moving the date up to May. Still, both of our families have been wonderfully supportive and encouraging, and we are very blessed to have a great number of friends and relatives that we can count on to give us help and advice during the wonderful yet frenzied time of engagement. After getting married, we are planning to live in Provo as Matthew works in Provo and attends school at UVU, and I attend graduate school and work in Provo.

Single vs. Married

Dedicated to Kirsti's comment on the previous post...

Number of times I cooked dinner for myself/anyone when I was single: Somewhere between 0 and 5
Number of times I've cooked dinner for Matthew and me now that I'm married: Somewhere around 50.

Reasons I had for procrastinating homework when I was single: I'm tired, I want to read, I want to watch a movie, I want to INTERNET!, I'm bored.
Reasons I procrastinate homework now that I'm married: I need to clean the bathroom, make the bed, clean the kitchen, cook dinner, spend time with Matthew, exercise, etc.

How I exercised when I was single: Woke up around 5 or 6 am, ran to gym, lifted weights or ran, ran home
How I exercise when I'm married: Um...climb the stairs to campus? Wrestle my husband? Sweat off the calories in our oven-esque apartment?

Sundays when I was single: So. Boring.
Sundays when I'm married: HOORAY! TIME WITH MATTHEW!

Pretty much every spare evening when I was single: So. Boring.
Pretty much every spare evening when I'm married: HOORAY! MORE TIME WITH MATTHEW!!

Number of cute guys on campus when I was single: #2,687 - approximately 9/10 of whom were already married, engaged, or in a relationship.
Number of cute guys on campus when I'm married: Just one for me - his picture is on my phone :)

How I viewed married students when I was single: feelings of jealousy that they were married and I hadn't been on a date in two years/shock and surprise that they weren't always breathtakingly beautiful and skinny/knowing and cynical when they were breathtakingly beautiful and skinny/felt that they must be older than they looked/pity that they would probably be taking finals while they were pregnant, etc.
How I view married students now that I'm married: feelings of belonging to a club of some sort/mutual acceptance and congratulations/excitement that we probably have a number of experiences in common/happiness that there are other happy people/feeling that marriage is perfectly normal and so am I, etc.

How I viewed single students when I was single: Either cute or not cute/smart or not smart/date-able or not date-able
How I view single students now that I'm married: Aw....they're all so little and naive and single. So adorable!

Number of times I've been asked "When are you going to have a baby?" when I was single: 0.
Number of times I've been asked "When are you going to have a baby?" now that I'm married: About once a month by Aimee, Matthew's 6-year-old niece.

Luxuries of being single: A new dinner every night!
Luxuries of being married: When we have enough food that we can have LEFTOVERS the next night!

Number of times I wished I was married when I was single: 9,760,548,345.
Number of times I wished I was single after being married: 0.

Grad vs. Ungrad

After being an undergraduate student for five years and a graduate student for five days, I have concluded there are a few differences between being an undergrad and a grad student.

1. As an undergrad, I did most of the reading for most of my classes. As a grad student, I do all the reading - but don't understand half of it.

2. As an undergrad, I thought periodically about adding another class now and then, because, you know, it might be fun and interesting. As a grad student, I wonder if I could get away with just taking one course each semester.

3. As an undergrad, I started to get sleepy around noon. As a grad student, I start to wake up around noon.

4. As an undergrad, I would study vigorously before quizzes in my classes. As a grad student, I study vigorously before class so I can make clever, insightful comments.

5. As an undergrad, I would often bring my lunch to school and stay at campus all day, sometimes into the wee hours of the night. As a grad student, the thought of staying on campus after 5 pm is appalling. And my schedule prevents me from having lunch.

6. As an undergrad, I defined "social life" as going on dates, dancing, spending nights on the town, and attending as many free-food-and-fun fests as feasible. As a grad student, I define "social life" as reading a book I have not been assigned.

7. As an undergrad, I would read the syllabus forward and backward for each class. As a grad student, I only read the reading schedule.

8. As an undergrad, part of my motivation for going to BYU was to meet cute guys. As a grad student, I'm only interested in one cute guy . . . and he goes to UVU.